People often wonder if their shrink ever gets tired of hearing them talk about their problems. I rarely do, with one exception, the person who is in active, late-stage addiction. The day they get serious about recovery, they start to get interesting again. When they’re in the throes of addiction, I always know what they’re going to say, what they’re going to do, and what they think of it all. They’re single-mindedly focused on one thing only, getting high. Oh, maybe three things. Looking to get high, getting high, and recovering from getting high. Maybe four. Coming up with reasons for getting high. I don’t mean to suggest that, if you’re in active, late-stage addiction, you should stop using just so I won’t find you boring. Being bored is my problem. You have enough to worry about. Getting high can be a full time job. But you may be bored with yourself. Every day is just like every other day until you do something different. Normally, when I’m bored, it’s my own damn fault for not finding something interesting. I wouldn’t be bored if I made out my shopping list when a person in active, late-stage addiction started talking, or if I watched the birds outside my window. I’d be doing something productive or enjoyable, but that’s not what the client had in mind when he came to me for therapy. All I can do is sit and listen to them go on and on. It’s boring. Sometimes, I’ve made things interesting by telling the person in active, late-stage addiction they’re boring, with the justification that, if they bore me, they’re probably boring everyone else. It’s something they need to know. Unfortunately, all this information does is give them a reason to use out of self pity. Even my therapist says I’m boring, they say, so I might as well get high. It’s not the active, late-stage addict’s fault they’re boring, they’ve lost who they are. Whoever they were before they got addicted is absent now. They didn’t bargain to be replaced by the addictive personality. Lots of people are mistaken for what the addictive personality is. They think it’s the type of personality that gets addicted. They think we should be able to predict who will get addicted by the personality they have. That’s not what the addictive personality is, though. All kinds of people get addicted. The addictive personality is the person you become late in your active addiction. All these people, who were so different and interesting before, become the same one dimensional person, a boring person, entirely predictable when their addiction takes over. When they stop using, they can often go back to the person they were before, maybe better. It’s just late-stage addiction that’s boring. In the early stage, you may not know you’re addicted. The ones closest to you may suspect, but no one else is likely to call you an addict. You still have your personality. It’s not until the middle stage that the addictive personality starts to take over. Then, you’re so confusing you can’t be boring. Your loved ones are tearing their hair out because they don’t know you anymore, they can’t trust you. Even casual acquaintances can detect you are not the person you were before. Middle stage addiction is when you start to lose friends, as people begin to give up on you. Your family hangs on a little longer, hoping the tide will turn; but even they will leave your life, if only to save themselves. You care, at first; until you’re past caring and bid them all good riddance. All they did was ruin your high and question your excuses, anyway. Your job is generally the last thing to go because you need it to finance your habit. You’re definitely in late stage addiction when you have no one left, except, perhaps a probation officer, a caseworker, and a bunch of people you use with. That’s when boredom really takes over. Ironically, many say they got addicted to escape boredom. What they mean is that, when they’re bored, distressing thoughts catch up to them. They felt compelled to escape. There are two things you can do to escape distressing thoughts. You can get numb or get busy. Looking to get high, getting high, recovering from getting high, and coming up with reasons for getting high keeps you busy. Being high gets you numb. What are the distressing thoughts they’re trying to avoid? They’re generally related to some kind of trauma. It doesn’t have to be a major trauma, any experience that teaches them they’re small and helpless will do. It can range from war, to being picked on, to being overlooked, and everything in between. Say what you want about trauma, it’s awful, but it makes life interesting. When you use your drug to escape the trauma, you’re trading the most interesting thing in your life for a little peace and quiet. I don’t blame you, but if you keep on doing it, you become bored, and boring. You might wish you could stop using your drug. The bars and drug dens of the world are filled with people who want to stop using; but they’re afraid to stop because there will be that small and helpless feeling again. The feeling might be stronger than ever because the course of addiction generates additional trauma. Trauma is inherently interesting at the same time that it’s awful. Who among us can pass a car wreck without slowing down to look? It’s not as simple as enjoying the victims’ misfortune at their expense. Most of us recognized something we have in common with the people in the car wreck, our mutual vulnerability. We tend to go about our day with a curtain drawn over this vulnerability. We don’t like to know how small and helpless we really are. Even non-addicts prefer to stay busy. The car wreck yanks open that curtain and reveals the truth. It’s interesting because living with this truth, rather than avoiding it, is how we live life more fully. We’re all at the edge of an abyss and we need to know how to dance there. In recovery, the person who used to be in active addiction gets interesting again; often more interesting than the person who never got addicted. They’ve been to the edge and lived to tell about it. They have something to teach us all. Many who’ve never been addicted have never had to confront the truth of their vulnerability. Except when they pass an occasional car wreck, they may have never seen behind the curtain. I’m not going to sit here and say that you must set aside your drugs and confront your fears, but you will. Eventually, you have no choice but to see what’s behind the curtain. Until then, it’s up to you. You may want to come to grips with your vulnerability on your own terms. Will you live a life that’s boring for yourself and others, or will you make things interesting? 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