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Thursday, 1 August 2024

“Dread” is the Thing with Sphincters

Extremely minor spoilers for Baldur's Gate 3 OK, I'm out of the thing with sphincters. Wow. There's a sentence I hope I never type again. Where y'all? Yeah, the sphincters. At least there weren't a lot of fights with oozes and mustards t…
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"Dread" is the Thing with Sphincters

By Feminina O'Ladybrain on August 1, 2024

Extremely minor spoilers for Baldur's Gate 3

Butch:

OK, I'm out of the thing with sphincters.

Wow. There's a sentence I hope I never type again.

Where y'all?

Loothound:

Yeah, the sphincters. At least there weren't a lot of fights with oozes and mustards to go with them.

I think I'm pretty far ahead of everyone, so I'm going to tread carefully. I can say get ready to deal with a lot of moral grey area stuff. The maps are really good, and exploring thoroughly creates some really interesting opportunities. I've had several encounters where, after the toe-to-toe slugfest is done, I discover that there were other ways I could have approached the situation that would have been much easier than what I did.

Also, there is a LOT of random interactivity to be found. I decided to talk to a random squirrel, and it turned into this whole interaction where it bit me because I was on its turf, but a couple of successful Handle Animal checks turned us into buddies, and then it gave me a present. Completely random, but cool.

And of course there's the custom underwear.

Butch:

Oh man I am going to have to explore EVERYWHERE. I already am mental thinking of stuff I inevitably missed. I also think this is a game where actions that would be a throwaway in other games aren't. I have something in mind I'll discuss if Femmy is about where I am.

Feminina:

I am not where you are! Stop talking! I am still contained by sphincters! I have done nothing!

Still trying to free Shadowheart.

Butch:

Trying? What was tricky about that?

You're off your game, man.

Feminina:

I just miss Greatwell so much. [Sniff]

Nah, I'm just still poking around, trying to figure out how to explore and attack and stuff. It's fine.

Butch:

I do kinda love that companion. Lae'zel? Something like that.

Wonder what her underwear is….

What's your name this time? I hope it's Well…great.

Feminina:

You haven't looked?!

My name is Zebren Fiddler. Because I play the fiddle, you know.

I assume this is a place and time in which people often derive their surnames from their profession. If not...I did it anyway.

Butch:

I can look? I thought I'd have to buy her dinner first.

Appropriate name, that.

Loothound:

Lae'zel's underwear is something else, has me debating walking the romance road just to see what's what. Just go to inventory and unequip everything except for underwear. Every character has their own distinctive style. One of the companions even has a message embroidered in their underwear.

Butch:

Oh I plan to romance like crazy. I hope you can play the field a while.

Loothound:

Yeah. I imagine that some of the companions are more chill with that than others. So far one seems like pretty low hanging fruit (I'm not interested, though), one seems fairly ordinary, and one will be a challenge.

Butch:

Dude how far into this are you?

Your poor wife is still dealing with sphincters.

Loothound:

A fair way. My people are all currently Level 3.

Butch:

Good gravy, man! Take some breaks! Eat! Shower! Feed your children!

Loothound:

Oh, I'm still doing those things. The going to the gym thing has suffered a bit, though. I'm just…easing back into it.

Butch:

Just have your character exercise for you. That counts. Right?

Loothound:

Sadly, your character exercising for you does not count. Can you imagine how many Ezio Auditores would be running around the city, doing parkour shit, when we're not off doing Iron Man, Tough Mudder, and Spartan Race type things. Can't take a walk through the cemetery without some yahoo challenging you to a race.

Butch:

My. This game sure has a lot.

Played a bunch. Now have more companions than I have space. Explored a dank crypt and met….someone. Died a bunch. Remembered how annoying "provokes attack of opportunity" is. Found a fetching hat that changed my hairstyle to be FAR more Morrigan, so that was a highlight.

Game has a lot.

Loothound:

I, too, have a fetching hat. I gave other fetching hats to my companions! Lae'zel's is sort of a cross between a Cromwellian England gentlemen's hat and a lazy tricorn, but made of leather.

Goes great with her shiny, fancy plate mail...

Did you find the very Gandalf-ish wizard hat?

Butch:

No! But then, I was in a dank crypt.

I feel like I'm missing so much. The fact it tells you you failed checks is the fucking worst.

I wonder if you can change underwear….

Shadowheart's is rather impressive.

Loothound:

I think that you can. It shows up in your inventory, so you should be able to transfer it.

Yeah, but have you seen Lae'zel's yet?

Butch:

I have not…just met her again.

They really did chuck everyone at you at once, didn't they?

Loothound:

How many do you have? I've only had to send one person to camp so far. Party of four is going to force us to focus on roles in the party. A lot more leeway with six.

Feminina:

Four is more like Shepard's landing parties from the Normandy.

Loothound:

Yeah, and it's the same kind of dynamic where you're trying to balance out the party with people's abilities. I'm the cleric, so ideally my companions would be a fighter (have), a rogue (have), and a wizard (not have). Right now my fourth is another cleric, and she's my oldest friend (plus I think she might get friendlier). With six you can carry an extra cleric, but with four… I'm gonna want a wizard!

In Mass Effect I was always like, "to Krogan, or not to Krogan? That is the question."

Feminina:

Yeah, in 2 (or 1) it was really no big deal to double up. Two thieves? Why not. Two clerics? Can't hurt. Two wizards? I mean, stay out of my way, other wizard, but fine.

But with only four people, you really have to plan for the specific quest. Interesting.

Butch:

I have a rogue, the fighter from the ship, Shadowheart and a mage. And me.

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