Letting Go of Anger

Steve Keating

June 9

Human beings are emotional creatures. While many emotions are beneficial, think happiness and excitement for example, some are not helpful at all. Envy and jealousy are two "negative" emotions that come to mind right away.

But I can't think of any emotion as damaging to our well-being as anger. One of the biggest challenges with anger is its staying power. Some of our positive emotions fade quickly unless we work at maintaining them. Anger seems to hang around, eating away at our positive emotions. It negatively impacts our wellbeing and ability to fully appreciate the positives in our life.

The sooner we learn to let go of the debilitating effects of anger, the better our life will be. But it takes effort and intentionality to rid yourself of the scourge that is anger. Some people will attempt to fool themselves into believing they can use anger as a source of motivation. Any motivation someone receives from anger will be short-lived when compared to the lasting negative energy.

Dealing with anger issues involves a combination of self-awareness, coping strategies, and sometimes even professional help. Here are some effective approaches to manage and reduce, and perhaps eliminate anger.

Know the source of your anger

1. Identify Triggers: Recognize what situations, people, or events trigger your anger. Keeping a journal can help track these triggers and patterns. Knowing you're going to be in the presence of someone who sets you off can help you prepare mentally to maintain control of your emotions.

2. Recognize Physical Signs: Pay attention to the physical signs of anger, such as increased heart rate, tension, or feeling hot. Early recognition can help you manage your response before it escalates.

Immediate coping strategies

1. Pause and Breathe: When you start feeling angry, take a moment to pause and breathe deeply. This helps calm your nervous system and gives you time to think. Consider who you want to rule your emotions, yourself or someone or something else.

2. Count to Ten: Counting to ten (or higher) before reacting can give you time to cool down and think more clearly. If you've never tried this, you may be skeptical about its effectiveness. But it really works and has the side benefit of making the person who has made you mad wonder if you're about to attack. 🙂

3. Walk Away: If possible, remove yourself from the situation that's causing anger. A brief walk or time-out can help you gain perspective.

Long-term strategies

1. Exercise Regularly: Physical activity can help reduce stress and improve one's mood, which in turn can help manage anger.

2. Develop Healthy Communication Skills: Learn to express your feelings calmly and constructively. Use "I" statements (e.g., "I feel frustrated when...") instead of blaming others.

Cognitive strategies

1. Reframe Thoughts: Challenge and change negative thought patterns. Instead of thinking "This is unfair," try to reframe it to "This is frustrating, but I can handle it."

2. Problem-Solving: Focus on finding solutions to problems rather than focusing on the problems themselves.

Lifestyle adjustments

1. Ensure Adequate Sleep: Lack of sleep can increase irritability and reduce your ability to handle stress.

2. Limit Alcohol and Caffeine: Getting hammered can lower your tolerance for frustration and make anger management more difficult. Caffeine just keeps you awake longer, allowing your anger stay awake with you.

Practice empathy and forgiveness

1. Empathy: Try to see things from the other person's perspective. Understanding their point of view can reduce feelings of anger.

2. Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and practicing forgiveness can reduce long-term anger and resentment.

Anger hurts the angry person far more than anyone else. By combining these strategies, you can develop better control over your anger and improve your overall emotional well-being.

You do not have to live with anger. If it's a big problem, you may want to consider getting a little assist from a mental health professional. And know this without a doubt… asking for help is not a weakness, it's actually a sign of strength and courage.