This is my usual after work view, cropped to take out the laundry baskets and ironing board and general cluttered mess of the room. I also see this:
The cutest, sweetest little kitty that hangs out with me in bed. Her habit now is to jump on the bed and await the laser, as I have somewhat trained her now to expect laser playtime only on the bed. We play a bit with it every night now before going to sleep, and it's nice because she has soft bed and pillows to crash into, and she gets sleepy after. Both my children have their own special bedtime routine. Nadja gets the laser before bed and Sedrick gets brushed before bed, which is his favorite. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to be in bed directly after work. Sometimes even during work, but especially right after. Most days Seth is still working after I get off work, I can hear him on a call or just at his computer. It gives me a bit of time to decompress and be on my own, have some quiet me time before he gets off work. But I know I shouldn't feel guilty. I need time to relax. I've been extra fatigued lately with the seasons changing and also fatigued from chronic pain during the day. It's tough to do anything anyway when Seth is on a work call in the living room. Can't make much noise so I take the opportunity to rest. I need to clean cobwebs off our kitchen window and mow the leaves, but I might save all that for this Saturday since we have nothing else going on and I might as well give myself something to do on the weekend, not a weekday when I've worked all day. Doing dishes and figuring out dinner and watching a movie is enough spoons frankly. Luckily the time will fall back soon,. meaning I will get an extra hour of sleep every day and Seth will not have to be in meetings so late anymore, they will occur an hour earlier. Thank goodness for that because my sleep does get screwed up and I almost need that time change. I wake up at 8 AM feeling like good gracious there is no possible way I can get up, I am so exhausted I'm going to have to call in sick, I literally can't make my eyes stay open. Even with my light alarm. Then 8:30 rolls around and by 9 AM (the absolute limit of when I can sign into work) I'm able to drag myself to my computer. With the time change it'll only be 7 AM when I'm still exhausted, and 8 by the time I can wake up. The cats are sleeping more lately too so I know it's not just me. I'm going on a field visit on Wednesday. At least it won't be too hot this time, it's been cold out. It will be sunny and maybe beautiful. Hiking in woods to see some streams. I'll bring my electrolyte drink and plenty of snacks and candy to make it through, like an athlete. Trying to keep a positive attitude. Going with a co worker I like too even though we're also going with one I don't. Surely it will be the last field visit of the season and I can not worry about fieldwork until May. 6 blissful months of not doing physically difficult work. Also, I imagine after some time I won't be forced to go out with other people anymore. Maybe after next field season. Maybe once we can hire and there's new fresh blood. Employee appreciation day on Thursday. Sure this means two days of not really getting work done and two days I have to drive an hour and a half one way to the office, but it's okay. We might get a break here soon if our funding runs out. We will know more maybe on Thursday? By the end of this week going into next week we should know if we're still working next week or not. At least we get an appreciation day and I'm excited to be spending time with my co workers for once anyway. It's nice to socialize sometimes with colleagues. Get away from the house and be around other people and feel like a normal human for once. Oh another update, Seth and I are going to our first family/marriage counseling appointment tomorrow. Finally got one scheduled and it was a long time coming, emailing over five therapists with no reply, called one of them twice, nothing. Got one response from a therapist offering appointments at $200 a pop (ha!!). Luckily this one is through our local health system and so I think will only cost $40 with our insurance. I'm thinking we probably could do with one appointment a month. Not sure we'd have enough to say any more than that. But anyway glad to get it started in any case after waiting so long and feeling like, we really need help, we really need support. I don't think there's anything agregiously wrong with our relationship or marriage, but I do think we need more outside support than we have, and it's important to have a third party to go to for help and support in a marriage. We don't have anyone for that. I don't have friends or family to talk to about stuff. When I tell my dad about our issues he just says “that's why I live alone haha” which is just terrible advice from a man who never had a healthy relationship in his life, is divorced and outwardly unhappy in his current relationship and won't live with the woman, okay I should just give up then on my partnership, that's the answer? I should've just stayed alone I guess? 🙃😒 Can't go to any other family member, they are a cesspool of divorce and unhealthy relationships. I don't have a close enough female friendship to share, and maybe they don't want the burden of emotionally supporting me. My one friend here just responds with “I'm sorry to hear that.” Like a robot when I try to tell her things and open up. We don't really have any community - we're atheist so we don't have church. So marriage counseling it is. Hopefully it will be worthwhile and helpful. I've been to therapy before where the therapist pulled this weird “I don't even think you need therapy, why are you even here” kinda thing…I hope that doesn't happen here. Looks like we're going to go get Pho tonight - yay! We've been feeling better and less stressed about money lately which is a relief. Seth's game FINALLY comes out in a couple weeks and I am so hopeful that we'll get some money coming in from that and our financial worries will subside even more. You're currently a free subscriber to Letters from the Mire. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.
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Monday, 27 October 2025
The View From Bed
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