It's finally time to implement some rules because my Mom is OUT OF CONTROL and running our house as if it's hers. This has to stop.
Unfortunately for me, I can't throw her out because she has nowhere else to go. All her friends have moved away, all her family is in the Philippines and there's NO WAY she can go back to Jay's - they've had enough. I can totally see why.
Last night, I was pushed over the edge.
Alun and I both got promoted so we both work long hours - longer than usual. We're both under a lot of stress in our new positions and there's a lot resting on our shoulders. When we come home after a VERY LONG DAY, we want to rest. We usually grab snacks and drinks and sit close on the sofa and watch Crime, Comedy or one of Alun's "traffic cops" or "border patrol" shows; all very easy to watch, especially as we spend most of the time scrolling on our phones or talking to each other about our days and offering support.
Last night, I got home and was WEARY. I'm coming down with a cold/flu and really struggled to get through the day. Alun was also really, really tired.
When we got home, Mom didn't say hello or ask how our day was, she instead gleefully announced that my cousin - who I haven't talked to in about 10 years (not because we've had a fight, we just both do our own things and she's 17 years younger than me so we basically leave each other alone and wish each other well) - was on her way over for dinner.
Alun's face lost all colour.
My anxiety went through the roof.
Mom hadn't asked permission and now we were expected to host a guest?
OH NO NO NO, MOM. NOT COOL.
"She'll be here in a minute" Mom grinned and went outside to await Demi's Uber.
Alun and I looked at each other.
"I can't cope - it's been a hard day" Alun said.
"Same" I sadly agreed.
"She's taking over the house and I feel so unwelcome" Alun shook his head.
"Same" I agreed again.
"I'm taking my paperwork and going to the pub - do you want to come with?" Alun offered, gathering up books and files he'd only just put down.
"I'd better stay and greet Demi" I sighed. So much expectation on my shoulders. "I think I'm stuck here"
"Call me if you need, ok?" and with that, Alun - still in his Nursing scrubs - had to leave his own home because he wasn't able to just rest in it. It broke my heart.
Demi arrived. Mom was excited and took Demi on a full house tour - GOING INTO MINE AND ALUN'S BEDROOM with her.
When I heard that, I thought I was going down for murder.
IT IS NOT OKAY TO SHOW A GUEST OUR PRIVATE SPACE!!!
Why does Mom think it's ok?
I texted Alun "I have to leave or I will kill her"
Alun texted back "On my way"
So - still in my work clothes - I waited for Alun.
Mom and Demi came back into the lounge room and saw me picking up my handbag.
"Going somewhere?" Mom asked.
"Yeah, Alun and I have a date night" I lied. I was SO ANGRY I fought to keep from yelling.
"If you had told us about Demi's visit, we would have planned it for another night but since this was a COMPLETE SURPRISE to us, we're going ahead with our plans"
I hugged Demi and wished her well on her upcoming Contiki Tour with her mates.
No hug for Mom.
Alun and I sat miserably in a burger joint and both just wanted to go home.
2 hours later, we thought it would be "all clear" at home and we could finally get some rest.
NOPE.
Demi was still at our house. She looked exhausted and was being talked AT by Mom, poor thing.
Alun and I were miserable.
"Well. We're going to bed" I said with a frown. Our bedroom was our only escape at this point. Unless Mom was going to burst in there again.
Demi's face lit up "Oh, I best go too, then!" she saw an exit and was going for it, good for her.
"No - you can stay" Mom put a firm grip on Demi's arm.
Demi looked to me for help.
"Mom, she has a lot on and lots to do - Demi needs to go home and get some rest - you've had plenty of time to catch up with her"
Demi mouthed "thank you" and I gave her a thumbs up. I've got you, cuz
Since last night I've been FURIOUS. I didn't sleep, I was up all night arguing with an imaginary version of my Mom.
I can't think this morning at work, I'm still RAGING.
We need to put some house rules in.
This is what I'm going to print and put up in the kitchen:
No loud noises after 8pm in common areas. Please use your earphones.
No unannounced visitors!!! Please ask first and we can decide together whether we can accommodate the request - OR NOT
NO GOING INTO OUR BEDROOM WITHOUT PERMISSION AND ABSOLUTELY NO ALLOWING OF GUESTS IN THERE. EVER.
No permanent planting of new plants/flowers - if you want new flowers - put them in pots and have arrangements for them once you return to the Philippines, they are not staying in our home.
No changing of anything in our home - no new pots, pans, cutlery, plates, moving about of items or furniture - NOTHING. This is OUR HOME and YOU ARE A GUEST so you will not be redecorating for your pleasure - everything stays exactly where it is.
I'm shaking as I type, I'm absolutely LIVID.
Something has to change. We need to get ownership of our home back from Mom.
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