How to Give a Meaningful Compliment

Steve Keating

May 27

I often ask during leadership presentations how many of the attendees compliment the people they lead. Most of the hands in the room go up. Then I ask for some examples of compliments they've given their people.

My favorite is "nice job" followed by "way to go" and "keep up the good work."

I don't know what those phrases are, but they are most certainly NOT compliments. They are what I call "throw-away" comments. They require little to no thought and carry almost no weight. They are not meaningful statements.

Which is sad because we all crave the recognition and feeling of accomplishment that comes with a sincere and meaningful compliment. Most leaders toss out those throw-away comments because they don't understand the power of a sincere compliment. Many of those so called "leaders" are also too lazy to invest the effort to develop a compliment that is both meaningful and memorable.

But it's really not that hard, and the "return" on that effort can be literally life changing. So if you're a leader, or simply a caring person who wants to make a difference in the life of another person here's how you can do it.

Giving a meaningful compliment involves being genuine, specific, and thoughtful. Below is a step-by-step guide to ensure your compliment resonates and makes a positive impact.

• Be Genuine: Authenticity is key. Compliments should come from a place of sincerity. Avoid exaggeration or flattery that doesn't feel true to you.

• Be Specific: General compliments like "You're great" can feel hollow. Instead, focus on particular qualities or actions. For example, "You did an excellent job organizing the event. Your attention to detail really showed in how smoothly everything went."

• Focus on Effort and Qualities: Highlight the effort someone put into something or a specific quality they possess. This shows you recognize and value their hard work or character traits. For instance, "I really admire your dedication to your work. Your perseverance is inspiring."

• Relate to Impact: Explain how their actions or qualities have positively affected you or others. This adds depth to your compliment. For example, "Your kindness in helping me with that project last week really made a difference. It relieved a lot of my stress."

• Be Timely: Deliver your compliment close to the event or behavior you're praising. Timeliness ensures the compliment is relevant and feels more genuine.

• Use Appropriate Language: Tailor your words to the person's preferences and the context of your relationship. For a colleague, you might say, "Your presentation was very insightful," whereas for a close friend, you might say, "I love how you always know how to make everyone feel welcome."

• Body Language and Tone: Ensure your nonverbal cues match your words. Maintain eye contact, smile, and use a warm tone to convey sincerity.

• Avoid Comparisons: Complimenting someone by comparing them to others can diminish the value of your compliment. Focus on the individual's unique qualities or achievements.

Here are a few examples of meaningful compliments:

• To a coworker: "Your creativity in that marketing campaign was impressive. It really stood out and made our product shine."

• To a friend: "I always feel heard and understood when I talk to you. Your empathy means a lot to me."

• To a family member: "Your dedication to our family is incredible. The way you always find time to support everyone is truly admirable."

You have the ability to make your compliments way more meaningful. You can make the recipient feel genuinely appreciated and valued. You can pay them a compliment that they will hold on to for a very long time. You can provide them with the motivation to reach for the stars and achieve their full potential. YOU, yes YOU, can do all of that.

You only have to decide it's important enough to make the effort.