You Should Go

chinadolli

Dec 24

You piss me off
But you're someone I still miss
And while you insist you love me...
It still feels like you just like to reminisce
Maybe I do too
Like that red light in your room
Brought me comfort at night
Talking to you well past midnight
It wasn't a relationship
But the honeymoon phase
Didn't rise or wane... Mostly it stayed the same
It's insane how we only fought once during all that time...
Yet now I'd punch your lights out
Cause you waste all my time..
Bring my sister into things
My stomach
Whatever else you feel like targeting as a hit...but go ahead pitch a fit say I treat you bad
When you treat me badly too... Worse
Sometimes... I can't stand you...
Sometimes I can't believe you're the same person I shared all my hopes and dreams with... I shared things with you I don't share with anyone...

But now...

I don't like you either...
I don't know why you say you love me
I haven't a clue why...
But at the same time
I don't know why I feel the same about you...
There wasn't really anyone to replace you, just someone new to talk to...
And while I really liked them...
With you it was different... Not good or bad... Just different...
He was needy, he wanted all my time, called me multiple times a day... And yet it's like we didn't really have anything meaningful to say.
Yet, I got to know him better, in a short time...
He was the opposite of you in that way... And at first, I thought I liked it, but then I missed my freedom, my personal space...
I resented you then for waiting so long in between... But now... I get it...
I resented you for a lot of things... But only cause I wanted more, but I didn't say so...
I told you it was ok to just stay that way...
Cause maybe I thought it was better that way...
I wanted more...
I didn't say it
But I wanted more...
Now I'm glad we were only ever friends...
You're a good friend, but a bad lover.
You asked the right questions but I didn't...
I was afraid to overstep something, now I'd say anything
We past that line.

You used to make me smile
Then you only made me cry
Now... I'm kinda over it... But I miss the old times.
I bet you miss my laugh
Everyone likes that about me...
You used to bring me peace
Now you bring me confusion and chaos
I miss the you I knew
And deep down I know that person is still you
It's just weird to know the things I thought ended up being true..
And you knew it every time I accused you...
I wrote a lot more about you, not all bad... But enough to make me cringe at my own feelings for you... I thought you were the one a one point... But I'm delusional.

I may miss you
And love you
But I don't need you
Or want you
I could get over you if you let me
I really could... Easily
I was actually
But you don't want me to...

Part of me doesn't want you to either...
I'd rather be a permanent villain then a temporary lover sometimes...
But it's exhausting
I don't know if I like to fight you
or not
I think I like it...
I'm not really mad, when I write these things, I giggle....
It's funny... To me...
You're fucking crazy...

So is she...

So am I...

If you're going home, you're probably going to miss me more, just cause of the association...
Now you know how it felt... But

If you love her, and she loves you, you should try to put aside pride...
But only if you think it will make you happier...
I'm not gonna fight her for you, even if I do have feelings for you... I'm not gonna win that...
I don't want to have to be in a situation where I'd always wonder if you compare us, or live in her shadow while I'm with you...

I don't want to do a one-night thing, it will just make it worse, I don't want to be a third wheel, it will just make it worse... I don't want to be fuck buddies for when you're in town... That will make it worse...

I think it's best we not continue this, you should stay faithful to whoever..
I don't want anymore readers from you.
I don't want another frenemy

I missed my friendship with you, but you're not my friend anymore, that was your decision.... Yours
It's mine to keep it that way

You should leave me be
You should walk away from me
You're bad for me...

I'm good for you, but you're bad for me.

You should leave me be.
I'm better off without you comparing me.
I'm happier without you now.
You should go.

I'm missing things in my real life
Doing this
It's taking away not adding
At this point

So you should leave me be
You should stop trying to make me jealous
You should take this to the real world
And do something
Instead of bragging about something that isn't happening.

I think we need to say a final goodbye and mean it this time.