Another day, another headline blurring the line between news story and Babylon Bee satire.
A lonely woman in Canada has decided that she is in love with a tree. And not in a hippy tree-hugger way — no, she has declared herself an "ecosexual," who is "erotically" attracted to this poor, unsuspecting tree.
Really.
Sonja Semyonova, 45, (not to be confused with the devout and unwilling prostitute from Fyodor Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment) is a self-professed "self-intimacy guide and somatic sex educator in training," according to the New York Post.
Her enduring passion for this deciduous specimen apparently began during the COVID lockdowns in 2020 and 2021.
According to Breitbart News, after moving to Vancouver Island, British Columbia, in 2020, Semyonova's atraction to this tree began when she noticed it during her daily walks. After walking, "near the tree five days a week for the whole winter. I noticed a connection with the tree," she said.
During that lonely time, she had been "craving that rush of erotic energy that comes when you meet a new partner, and that is not sustainable."
Story
It brings tree-hugger to a new level. When I hear sustainable, I know the bullshit is about to flow. Also, never underestimate crazy in a girl. As Wirecutter says: Pyscho Chicks, we've all known one.
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