There's always a little chink,
A little gap where light pours in
And drowns the waves
That were meant to swallow you.
I spent my Saturday in Dover, and it was a really lovely day running up and down the cliffs and along the sea wall. It was such a perfect run until the night set in, and that was when I realised that I still have a lot of fear around the sea.
I have swum the Channel several times, and so I have spent a lot of time swimming in and around Dover. I enjoyed that time, but I did find swimming in the dark very frightening. When your support boat pulses ahead of you and you are left in the ocean, in the pitch black, you momentarily feel very vulnerable. If that boat doesn't stop, you are as good as dead.
So, running along the sea wall at night fall, I could see the lights of France twinkling on the other side of the Channel. and I could hear the waves lapping against the shore. And I suddenly felt all of that vulnerability washing over me again.
When I'm frightened, I don't fight; I tend to either run or freeze and since my last Channel swim eight years ago, I have only been swimming twice. This weekend reminded me that it is not because I just don't feel like swimming, it's that I'm actually a bit frightened.
However, as with everything, there is always some beauty that shines through our pain and anxiety. I took some photos of the coastline and I felt like the sunset was a little bit of a message being sent to me: there is always something positive, ready to break through and make you smile.
Much Love
Rachel xx
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