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"Emotional pain cannot kill you, but running from it can. Allow. Embrace. Let yourself feel. Let yourself heal."
―Vironika Tugaleva
Vulnerability. This word is self-explanatory. You are thwarted by variants of its meaning in different corners of the internet, each designed for a specific purpose. The life coaches, gurus and influencers have worked up a storm with this concept, leaving you quite baffled as to what your existence could contribute. Be vulnerable. That's the advice. Is it practical though? Are people truly baring their naked souls and wearing their bruised hearts on their sleeves? Are they truly opening up for genuine connections? Or is it for the "likes", "subscribes" and "hit (more like: feed my ego because I can't for some reason) the notification bells" on each post or video?
It is quite simple to sit before a blue light screen and type your heart out. After all, you are never going to meet those trillions of people on the other side. What are the odds, right? Wrong. It is this very triggering thought that could lead to an unforeseen aftermath. With a lot of people "sharing" their woes online and virtually, it's only a handful of them who are honestly willing to forge meaningful relationships. Ones who are honestly looking to heal themselves from a burdensome, torturous past. While others' content screams betrayal and abandonment, upon reaching out, they are quite antisocial and judgmental in reality. After getting to know them, quite a few are, in fact, the "abuser" in the relationship and posing otherwise. They have an agenda in mind. Watch your next steps with them really closely.
Being vulnerable isn't a joke, nor is it the ongoing "fad". A person is revealing a part of themselves that makes them susceptible to judging and being taken advantage of. As much as I would like to believe people want the best for you, reality begs to differ sometimes. You have such unscrupulous predators hunting for their next victim. There are some looking for a good laugh and ego boost. Then there are others who are silently judging your worth. While others are stacking up some juicy gossip for their next get-together. And imagine baring out your life story to such people? Is it safe advice? Would you open up if you were aware of what lurks around you? Yes, there are naïve and pure souls out there who genuinely would like to make the world a better and safer place. But being gullible isn't recommended. Not everyone deserves your beautiful heart. Not everyone deserves a second chance.
We are not taught to understand a person before handing out our hearts to them on a silver platter. But love is blind, you might argue. I think so not. There are signs and warnings all along. As much as you have green flags, the red flags are often subtly disguised (blatant sometimes) but repetitive. Love is patient. Define patience. Is it sacrificing your mental peace and sanity? Is it subjecting yourself to emotional and physical torture for the benefit of the other? (At this point, I presume you are running for your life.) If you are unaware of your shadow side, your inhibitions, your shortcomings, triggers and mistakes, or, for that matter, your innermost desires, you stand a chance of being swayed away. If you haven't consciously taken steps to improve your character and personality, you are in for a rude awakening of being manipulated and controlled. And this isn't limited to romantic interests alone. Friendships are often misplaced and ill-labelled. The culture of "no labels" is what is creating such mayhem and psychological destruction. You have nothing to work with. You are left at the mercy of uncertainty. Does that promote vulnerability?
A person must earn your trust and respect before you decide to be vulnerable. It is a two-way street. Being exposed — mind, soul and heart entails being transparent about your past, present and future, including your fears. Being vocal about your needs and wants. Setting deal-breakers and non-negotiables at the onset. Charting out the consequences of crossing a line. All this must be discussed at the beginning of any friendship or relationship, as it marks the setting stone of the foundation. Quite difficult to alter in the future as you have created a steady rhythm that follows suit. The only solution would often lead to parting ways. Being vulnerable is healthy in every relationship and is mandatory, mind you. If one isn't emotionally available and secure, there is no future. Period. But being selective about who has access to your deepest secrets is of paramount discernment. Be selectively vulnerable.
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