Sometimes it feels as it there's nothing you can say when someone you know or love is in a lot pain. So, what can you say when there's nothing to say?
1. First, it's important to understand that the person knows there's nothing you … they … or anyone can do to change the situation they are in.
2. They don't want, or need your, suggestions on how best to cope. Advice like this can sound simplistic, trite, unempathic, and even cold and hurtful.
3. They don't want to be reminded of all the things they should be thankful for.
4. They don't want to hear stories about people you know who have beaten the odds, or had a dramatic turn around, so that everything turns out well in the end.
5. They don't want to be cajoled into positive thinking, or maintaining a positive attitude.
6. They want permission to feel the way they feel, and to be allowed to be angry, and to say exactly what they think.
7. They want to be allowed to say it isn't fair. They want to be allowed to rant and rave.
8. They want to be allowed to feel hopeless and despair – as expressing this is actually often the first step in moving forward, and trying to find some hope,
9. They need you to sit with them, and hold all these painful thoughts and feelings, with warmth, kindness, and without judgment.
10. They want you to keep showing up, and to showing the same genuine acceptance, care, and commitment to them in their time of darkness and despair. They want, and need, your presence. They don't want to feel alone.
"I'm not sure what to say, but I'm right here with you."
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