Dominants are many things to those special submissives who enter into relationships with them. They are best friends, protectors, mentors, cheerleaders, teachers, lovers, and all sorts of goodness that this list could go on and on, but there is something that no matter how hard they try, they cannot do and that is read the mind of their submissive. It is a good thing since d-types might not enjoy some of their submissive's fun, yet snarky comments that just might run through their mind at times. However, because dominants are unable to see their s-type's thinking, d-types must have their submissive's partnership in communication.
Within the wizarding world of D/S is this common question, what should a submissive do if they are not receiving enough or clear communication from their dominant?
When a submissive needs something, many times an in-tune dominant can sense the need and respond without a word being spoken but there are also moments when the d-type cannot sense an unmet need, even if their dominant spidey sense puts Peter Parker to shame. This is why it is so important that s-types never lose their voice, their desire, and their ability to use it in their relationship. In a lifestyle partnership, d-types need communication from their submissive partner since they cannot properly lead their relationship based on intuition. S-types need to be assertive and explicit when discussing needs. Submission does not mean meek, mild, or mousy.
At times starting a conversation can be challenging, especially when it is something that may upset a partner. While it is best to engage in difficult conversations in-person and tools like FaceTime/Zoom all in-person chats when people are separated. Discussing a sensitive issue some people do not feel comfortable verbalizing intimate issues but relationships, especially in the lifestyle require leaving comfort zones. As important as it is to discuss hard subjects in person, or as close to in person as possible, a best practice is to not blindside a partner with a tough talk. It is best to forwarn them with perhaps a "we need to talk about ___ when is a good time for you" to prepare them that tough conversation is on the horizon with a need to have it happen promptly. If possible avoid text conversations since it is easy to read too much or not enough into the words on a screen. Face-to-face allows the crucial element of nonverbals to be included.
A bête noire is the misuse of meta-talk. A meta-discussion is a conversation about a conversation, which means two (or more) people discuss an exchange they had, how it developed, how it made them feel, and how to better communicate in the future. For example, a submissive says to their d-type, we need to have a meta talk about our spanking conversation. This is expressing the s-type wants to upgrade future discussions by learning from the recent confab rather than a serious and unresolved issue.
Dominants are a lot of things but they need their submissive to communicate with them. If you are submissive and feel communication is lacking or have another concern, from minor to major, bring it up with your dominant. Issues swept under the proverbial rug, rather than talked through will just cause festering and turn a molehill into a mountain. Dominants can do a great many things but they cannot read minds and need their submissive partner to communicate with them, especially during challenging circumstances.
What are some of the things that have worked in your D/S discussions that others might benefit from?
As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.
©TLK2023
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