Tread water, get pulled under, push to surface, gasp for air, tread water, get pulled under, push to surface, gasp for air. Slowly drowning has become my way of life. There is a rhythm to it, one that is familiar. A pattern that should probably feel scary or dangerous instead feels like home. So even though I know this isn't ideal, it is known and it is predictable. I'm not sure what I would do in wide open space, in wide open air. I'm not sure I can breathe deeply anymore. But I want to. Read more of this post
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