When I first became a divorced mom, I craved anything that led to a positive thought. I was as thirsty for encouragement as a person stuck in the desert with no water.
I felt so alone, and I freely trusted anyone who I perceived as being helpful. I guess you could say that was my mirage in the desert.
Fear surrounded me during the day and seeped into my dreams at night. I soon found that I could not surround myself with people who made me feel more fear and worry than I was already experiencing. Their worries for me crept into my psyche, and I felt panicked.
I have written about variances on this subject before. And I frequently speak to single moms about their fears, worries, and struggles. They are all too real. They are all too heavy.
You, Will, Get Through Whatever Challenge You Are Facing
So, I felt compelled to remind my fellow single mums that you will get through whatever challenges you currently have staring you down. It cannot be said enough that we may have to pick ourselves up over and over again and remind ourselves that we cannot fix everything all at once. You must stand back and tackle things in bites.
There is a reason emergency rooms have triage procedures. Whatever is bleeding the most is what deserves attention. I lived that way for over two decades. I suppose you could say that I am not operating at the mission-critical level I did when my children were small babies.
They are now young adults, and my days are lighter. But those habits are entrenched firmly in me like a form of PTSD, and I never really let down my alerts completely. However, I approach everything with the knowledge that I have weathered through worse things. An odd comfort, to be sure.
But one that still serves me well, because I do remember those days vividly. I just wanted to shout to the world…"I am only one person! Take a number!"
My daily thoughts were, what was I going to do, and how was I going to do it? The frequent mantras I started each day for many years. I usually ended my day slipping into bed and sinking under the covers…sliding down until my top sheet covered my nose, leaving my eyes wide open to wonder… would I ever feel safe again?
New Possibilities
They say that every new day begins with possibilities. That was the fabric I clung to as I rose out of that bed every day. I truly believed in that ideal. I had to. Every new day was and is a chance for new possibilities. And as I became more and more acquainted with that notion, I became more and more comfortable with the certainty of it.
The assumption was always that these new possibilities were indeed positive ones. I think that when you train yourself to expect the best outcomes, the best finds its way to you. As Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change". This was also something I taught my children too.
Outwardly I have always carried the appearance that I was strong, that I was confident and that I was holding it all together. I was great at appearances!
But just because someone carries it well doesn't mean it isn't heavy. It was. But what I realize now, after all these years, is that the appearances I kept up were my foundation to keep moving forward. From time to time, I would check myself by imagining what it was like to know me. Would I feel inspired by this woman? Or would I be burdened by her?
I'm sure both people were who I was on many occasions. But as a whole, I tended to see that this woman was someone quite extraordinary. She dealt with a massive experience of heartbreak, loss, and unimaginable stress. Yet didn't let it break her. I liked that woman and was inspired to know her. I still am.
Be the woman you want to be friends with. It works!
The last piece of advice I will share is this. Make a way out of no way!
When I was first introduced to my divorce and single momdom the only four words that came to my mind were "there is no way".
There is no Way!
There is no way that I can raise two children alone!
There is no way that I can handle my career and single parenthood!
There is no way that I can buy a house by myself!
There is no way I will ever love and trust anyone again!
But I did accomplish all of those things!
I did raise my children alone!
I did balance my career and responsibilities while being a single parent!
I did buy a house! In fact, I bought two!
And though I am no longer in a relationship, I did love and trust someone again. I know it will happen again too!
So, release your bad memories and move on.
Shake and peel them all off of yourself. Believe in yourself! This is not 1822 or 1922! It is 2022 and women are a force to reckon with. We raise families alone. We climb the corporate ladder, buy property, and do it all with grace, intelligence, and purpose! And single moms? Well, that is a superpower unto itself!
We fell. We got up. We ran!
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