Hello everyone. Here is another missive from the swamp. The vibes are actually pretty good at the library today. I got off work - didn’t work late because two days of working 10 hours was kind of enough and I couldn’t take it anymore. My workload is insane right now. I can really only hope that it is truly easier at the Portland District but who knows. I mean, NY state genuinely has more water, and a population that needs a bit more hand holding a help with permitting, and a state agency that basically makes it so that all our permits are way more complicated because we have to incorporate state rules and conditions as well, etc. etc. Watching the rain fall outside the library window is nice, as well as sipping on a London Fog. I got a small size so that 1) It would actually stay hot the whole time sipping it and 2) It would only cost $5 instead of the $9 I paid one time for a large. Prices of everything getting so insane. Living in a “lower cost of living” area has been mostly a lie with rent prices and housing prices and gas prices and grocery prices skyrocketing here in Rochester just as much as a popular city like Portland. What a baseless lie that was. But oh well. We spent six years away from Portland and in a way I think it was for the best. The pandemic screwed our whole world up, it certainly messed everywhere up, but it certainly didn’t make sense to live there when you couldn’t even go to shows or restaurants anyway - that’s most of the appeal of Portland. Might as well live in the middle of nowhere if there’s a damn pandemic happening. And you can work remotely. Interesting article I read about RTO and people moving back to cities It made me laugh because that is literally my life right now. Tried out fully remote jobs (two of them) and absolutely hated it. Hated the isolation and feeling like I never got to chat with co-workers except about work and it made me kinda resent them and not like them and feel awkward. But also just lonely. But also hating that the remote jobs basically consisted of being on video calls all day every day instead of doing independent work - which may have been a private sector thing, but also, I think is a remote work thing, because you aren’t able to just walk over to people to collaborate on something you need a whole damn call about it. I guess I can’t tell necessarily if those jobs required more calls because they were remote, or if it was because it was private sector and therefore more collaborative by nature (which is the kind of work I dislike). But either way, in this particular field (environmental science) I just don’t think it was going to be possible for me to find a job that was fully remote that wouldn’t involve being on calls all day. Some people have introvert friendly jobs fully remote, like writing, or data science, or GIS I suppose. But I didn’t go down any of those paths. I also genuinely in a way don’t know if remote work is really for me after six years of working from home, ironically. It was nice getting to spend so much time with my spouse all those years, but I do think it is getting old and I am somewhat looking forward to being around people other than my husband during the day, having work colleagues I can see in person again, having that social aspect. I get such a nice feeling from chatting with my colleagues, fellow scientists. I don’t have any friends who are also scientists besides my one college friend, who also works for the same government org. But it’s an itch I don’t get to scratch anywhere else, getting to talk about environmental stuff with other humans. So, moving to Portland and getting an apartment closer to my work does make sense. I have made it work here, even though the two offices for my job are located over an hour’s drive away. Sucks that there is none in Rochester itself. Not many jobs period in Rochester. In Portland, I will be able to work for an HQ office, take public transit to work and not have to drive, be closer to the office and have a shorter/easier commute. Really the commute is the main downside to working in an office, so I need to just live close to the office, and we can make that happen now that we sold our house and luckily my husband can work anywhere because he does have a remote job. But he would never agree to move to Buffalo or Auburn to be close to either of those offices, which I don’t blame him. I would rather live in a city with public transit too. I ended up emailing the hiring manager of Seattle and telling them the truth about my situation, that I applied to Portland as well, and they are my preference, but they are taking longer to give me an answer, but that I really want to just wait for them and not have to accept Seattle right now. I heard nothing back, which I kind of cringe and shudder at. Wonder if the hiring manager is upset with me, or annoyed, or I don’t know. Why no answer or response? I just felt like ugh I need to be honest here because she is acting like I have already accepted the job, saying I look forward to working with you and I think you will be a great fit with the team and I just felt so bad. Knowing that I do not want to work for that office and I want Portland, but Portland is just taking longer and they can’t give me an answer until next week. I don’t even mind waiting, I don’t mind however long it takes really, I just had Seattle as a backup and maybe that was wrong or a mistake. It would have worked out great if Portland had told me NO flat out and then I could have had Seattle as a backup, but this situation doesn’t work for me. Portland hasn’t said no. They will PROBABLY say yes, it’s just taking a bit longer and I don’t want to accept Seattle if Portland is an option. Anyway. I told the hiring manager all of this. For better or for worse I don’t know. I would hope they would appreciate my honesty and me not wanting to waste their time and energy. It’s a stressful transition period for sure. But I am glad we have sold our house and got that out of the way so that when the lateral transfer DOES come through, we will be perfectly ready to move, as soon as we can set a start date. The 45-day close will work out perfectly I think. It sure was stressful having to show the house to multiple people, even just for a week jeezus, I cannot imagine being in a situation where you have to show your house for multiple weeks, keep the house pristine and perfect and not lived in for any random showing that pops up. Gah. It was difficult. Thank goodness the market was still hot enough to quickly sell, and for a lot more than we even paid for it. We got so lucky. It is not usual that you can buy a house and sell it after only a year and make out with profit. I’m glad we got it over with and just got free from under the house loan. It did feel stressful, and almost like we couldn’t afford it after all because all our savings were tied up in the down payment, so nothing left to pay contractors or pay people to clean the gutters, or fix the gutters or ancient rotting soffits, or do yardwork. Pay to replace the ancient doors. Pay for a new roof. I mean………it would have just taken ALL of our money and then some. No more savings. No more nest egg. No investments. And for what? Just to have a yard we now have to deal with? A basement for stuff? A garage for stuff? High utility costs. Worrying about the snow every year and ice dams, and shoveling the driveway every other day. Living in the boring suburbs with all retired neighbors? I mean it was a catch 22 because obviously they were super nice neighbors, very nice older people, quiet, etc. BUT it also meant they were always around because they are retired, so never any privacy, our houses are practically a foot apart. No privacy in the yard. Nothing to walk to. No nice parks within walking distance. Just felt isolating. Which is probably fine if you’re retired? Maybe you want that slower pace life? To stop moving and just stay in one place. Who knows. It just really was not for us. Thankful we could get out of it. I mean, I was never fussed to have a house necessarily, it seemed more like what Seth wanted, he desperately wanted a garage. He didn’t want to live in an apartment. Living in a luxury apartment was literally my dream. Modern layout and modern amenities. Brand new materials. Building someone else takes care of. Cheaper utilities. Feeling like people are around but somehow more privacy? Like when you have just a lil balcony or patio area it almost seems more private than our entire huge backyard that we had to mow. Finally Seth is onboard after 7 years of being together and changing his mind about needing a garage thank goodness. We will have to get a smaller home to make it affordable of course, but the second room we have had these seven years has always been for me to have an office, and now that I am giving up the work from home life, I don’t need one. If I ever do get to work from home again I can just work from a co-working space maybe in the apartment building, or work from the bedroom or something. Seth works in the living room. A smaller space though means cheaper utilities, and a lot less to clean which will be fantastic. Less space to vacuum. I’ll have a bathtub again. Maybe a gym right in the building. Community space right in the building. Live amongst younger people again. In a fun city. Walkable. It will be a change of lifestyle but I think it’s what I prefer and maybe Seth prefers too? We have missed Portland a lot, it just seemed like it must be dead because of the pandemic, but now after six years it seems like a good time to come back, like it should have done enough healing by now. My sad feelings about missing my dad and sister and our friends here has mostly faded. I don’t even talk to any of them every day or even that often. It won’t be much different really. The internet exists and planes. It will be just like before, I did not find myself horribly missing them. I guess before when I moved to Portland, I was moving closer to my brother who I loved, and then far away from things I hated. I was not losing anything or leaving anything I would miss at all. It was 100% a positive thing with no regrets. This time it does feel different, more painful, I am leaving people and things I will miss. I did love Rochester and we had a lot of fun exploring this area. Buying a house was really our low point here, and I guess this terrible, horrible winter and going back to an in person job reminding me of how awful living and working here is in the winter. But I am for sure leaving behind things I love this time which feels sad this time around. It’s a conflicting feeling. But ultimately I know we want to go back and we have kind of had thoughts of missing Portland this entire six years. The opportunity presented itself and I must take it, that’s all there is to it. So hopeful that next week will be the week I will finally get things ironed out with switching offices and get to plan our move finally. We joined the Portland discord and the people there are so nice!!! We will still have the Rochester discord too. Those people never want to meet up in real life anyway haha so what is the difference. Although I am meeting up with some of them this Sunday. You're currently a free subscriber to Letters from the Mire. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.
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Thursday, 26 March 2026
Rainy Library Day
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