Here I am again after work, after a hot shower, trying to warm myself up beneath my heating blanket. Was going to bring Sedrick outside on the leash, since it was sunny outside earlier and he was getting antsy about it, but by the time I had worked one extra hour at work, it was pitch black dark. I do not feel like going outside when it’s dark. Hence why we got a membership to the YMCA so that when it is dark we still have a place we could go and get some walking done, or swimming, or even just sit in a hot tub or sauna, a building with bright lights after work, oh the joy. Glad we have it though. It will be extra nice to have in the Summer when it becomes reverse winter, too hot to be outside and I want a place to exercise. It is a real downside of NY, the too hot, too cold cycle. That’s pretty much anywhere though besides Portland Oregon or San Fran, or Seattle. Only certain places have weather so perfectly mild all year round. I do miss it though. The perfect temperature all the time. Although, I did miss actual real rain when I lived there, it never rains hard enough to even hear it in the pacific northwest, the rain is like an all day misty drizzle, or trickling, never a fun downpour like we have in the summers in NY, or like England has at times. So here I am in bed at 6:30 PM. Because it’s a weeknight. Because why not when it’s dark and cold after work. I don’t want to clean. Or cook. Or really do anything. Doing things is for the weekend I guess when you have all day from the time you wake up to late at night to do things. When you only have the tiny sliver of an evening on work nights…who wants to fucking do anything? I vacilate between feeling like, I kinda hate my job and my career and why did I do this to myself and the feeling of, well there is literally nothing else I can do, I am the working poor, I have to work, I have to make money, how the fuck else would I make money if not for this job? I also went into debt going to college for it. I don’t delude myself that I am taented enough at anything else to make money or any get rich quick scheme. I am also not attractive enough to get rich on the internet making videos or posting photos of myself. I am not attractive enough to be a commodity. I am not talented to create a business or brand, or even write anything that anyone reads. So with that being said, I suppose my job is the best I am going to get and really, it’s not as bad as some of the jobs I have tried in this career. I am left alone for the most part, most of the time. Sometimes I have to verbally interact with people and it’s not my favorite, but it’s also not that often. Most of the work is independent and I love that about it. It is a lot of work. But we do get a lot of paid time off and benefits. Later… We ended up going to Costco and skipping the library because that is something I can do over the weekend…go pickup my books…maybe stay awhile at the library reading and relaxing. After cleaning of course. By the time we got home after literally just going to Costco it was somehow 8 PM…not sure how time works in weekdays but it usually works like: I get off work around 4 or 5 PM…I lay in bed decompressing until Seth gets off work…then we go do one thing out of the house since we work from home and are sick of being home…then we get home, watch one movie and go to bed. No time for dishes. No time for house cleaning whatsoever. Just no time. Mostly because of how late we work but also just how drained we are after work. If I could pay a daily housekeeper and afford to, oh my god I would pay so much honestly. If it were up to me I honestly would. I like to cook, but it’s the cleaning that I absolutely hate. Dishes and laundry are just never ending. To work all day too on top of it all. At least wives back in the day could just cook and clean AS THEIR JOB ALL DAY. Not do a whole actual work job as well. Anyway, Seth will help clean but it will have to take place on the weekend. Oh joy Saturday will be cleaning up from the week. Also I am pretty sure I am getting sick again. I feel super tired/fatigued, stabbing pains all over my body, achy. Might take another combo test. One more day of work ugh. Might use this whole weekend to just clean. You're currently a free subscriber to Letters from the Mire. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.
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Thursday, 8 January 2026
Journal Entry #1
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