Oh btw I published a book: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0G1TYBMPM
The view today after it snowed the past two days. In the four years we've been here in NY I would say the first two or even three winters were so mild and non-existent it was baffling to me having grown up here, left for five years and come back. It felt like I had come back to a whole new place, where…the weather was…mild? Balmy and foggy like Portland instead of icy and frosty. Rainy but warm, or cold but blue sky and dry. Then last winter (ironically the first winter I had to commute to a job again, oh universe you are so funny) it seemed to hit us again like a “normal” NY winter. We had been in a La Nina pattern, now going back to El Nino. We seem to still be in that, maybe worse even because this Halloween was shockingly cold (last year it was in the 70’s and this year nearly freezing). Much more precipitation this year after a very dry summer. But the rain is coming now, and the air is cold enough to freeze it. Bad combo. A combo we haven't had in a while to be fair. To people not from here it could be shocking to get snow in early November. I remember it snowing in October growing up here. I have had such a difficult time doing anything this long weekend and I don’t know if it’s for the best or if it is my social anxiety/BPD/mental health issues stopping me from doing anything worthwhile with my time, executive dysfunction. Sense of self dysfunction. Empty void inside of me issue. Anyway. Four day weekend. On my own pretty much because Seth has been working nonstop since last Monday when his game came out. It’s definitely going to be a success which has made us both overjoyed obviously, and we are both thrilled his job is secure for the foreseeable future, and we might actually be financially secure at some point from the game, but regardless, it’s a success and that means he will get to stay employed for a long while, that worry is off the table. But it also means he has been working nonstop because there is a wave of work to be done fixing things wrong with the game, player reports, not to even mention the REMAINDER of the game they are working on to release the final game next year. But anyway that just means I am on my own, because I am not working, because lucky me I get lots of paid time off at my job. I probably should have taken that time off to work on my writing. But I didn’t, and part of that was being stuck at home because of said snowstorm I posted about above. I had wanted to drive out to Buffalo for some ramen, go to coffeeshops and bookshops. But I do not drive in the snow if I do not have to as a basic rule for myself, after crashing a vehicle in the snow before when I was in my early 20’s and just in general I don’t feel it is safe to drive on snowy roads. I can wait until the roads are cleared. They are clear now but for the past two days they weren’t and it was snowing. On Sunday everything was closed pretty much. So those two things put a real damper on my plans of going out, and I really can’t seem to get inspired to write at home, I have no idea why. I do want to just go to a cabin someday and write, or book a library room for a full day. I actually have been really loving renting library rooms for periods of time. It’s like the only time ever anymore that I get to be completely on my own, by myself, and no one can bother me. I literally can even lock the door. For some reason it just feels so nice to me, as a person who shares a house with a person who is always home it can sometimes feel like I am on my own, but never really alone if that makes any sense? Oh I also wanted to go out and see some movies too, I had big plans honestly, and ended up being homebound instead because of the weather so I guess I don’t feel too bad. It really wasn’t 100% my fault I did nothing. I finally got my E-book published, so now my very first book is published in print form and E-book form. It feels somewhat…anticlimactic I guess, especially since what I ended up publishing is not a full length novel - I still have yet to finish one, other than the fanfic I wrote when I was a teenager that I might still be publishing since it’s the only damn novel length piece of writing I have finished. It’s a collection of poetry and short stories. I don’t think it’s bad. I guess I would just be more proud of a fiction novel for some reason? Or a full length memoir? Which maybe is silly. I write a lot of short stories and allegories too, and why are they not just as valid? Or a book of essays? I can write anything I damn well please, and maybe someone would one day want to read it. At least I can say I have something published. At 35 years old. 15 year old me thought I would have to send in a manuscript to 100 different people just to get rejected 99 times. Or never publish at all. Now look, I went and did it, quietly and with no fanfare, but it’s done. I plan to polish up my beauty and the beast YA novel next, pay someone to do the cover properly this time because my first cover is garbage. But you know…I see so much garbage out there, not that it makes it right, but still, I’m not going to wallow in guilt or self deprecation when people publish slop every damn day with badly made covers and they sell just goddamn fine. I continue to hack away at my memoir and various stories I have been working on but I do need to do more and have more of a writing schedule for myself, more discipline. Going to try and go more after work. It’s either that or the gym…ideally I would like to do more of both after work and less laying in bed rotting away. Back to work tomorrow. I’ve been having trouble concentrating on anything lately…on reading, or even playing a damn video game, or watching anything. Just nothing is getting through it feels like or entering my brain. Not sure why, not sure what the solution is. I already officially gave up on three different books I started reading and decided to return to the library because I just can’t get into them. This rarely happens to me. I am a person who usually loves reading and doesn’t get sick of it like some other people do who try to read a book but just can’t get into it as a regular hobby. Not sure if the books were the problem or me. Going to try some different ones and see. You're currently a free subscriber to Letters from the Mire. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.
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Tuesday, 11 November 2025
Winter is coming? No, it's here.
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