͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏

Forwarded this email? Subscribe here for more

Pain and Work

E.K.Vale

Oct 10

READ IN APP

Wow this substack blog - really just a continuation of my WordPress journal blog - really just a continuation itself of a livejournal - has quickly become by accident, a disability, chronic illness blog instead of the nature blog I envisioned 🤷‍♀️

Because here I am to talk about how my damn lower back has been absolutely killing me all day, on top of the CV starting to make it's way back…and my guts have been painful as if they were sausage being wrung out and twisted before being hung up for sale 🤦‍♀️

And yet there's nothing wrong with them right? Does it make any sense to have stabbing pains in your guts, as well as running to the bathroom four or more times in a day, and yet have perfectly normal guts according to a doctor who took 15 minutes to look through them with a scope? I guess, because that's the verdict.

Anyway the gut pains are probably what's causing my groin pain and back pain today. Woohee. Doing lower back stretches, planning on using a baking soda suppository tonight before bed, been taking my prescription anti-inflammatories for days. Had to resort to hydroxyzine for sleep the other night and felt so loopy and out of it the next day. But it helped me sleep well two nights in a row and broke me out of the anxiety cycle, staying up at night wired and worried. Now I'm just tired.

I had to send a tough email to my boss about my physical issues because a part of this job is field work. Yeah I should have thought about that before getting an environmental science degree. But I didn't know a global pandemic would sweep through and maybe make my health worse. I didn't know I would end up getting more health issues on top of the ones I already had. Oh well.

It just means I'm not as spry as I should be at 35, almost 36 years old. I go out on field visits with colleagues and I'm just dying the entire time, face beat red, getting migraines, unable to keep up with their long legged strides. I had to tell my boss, I can't keep up with them and it sucks and I'm slowing everybody down. I'd rather go on easier site visits or just go on my own so I can set the pace, take long breaks when I need to, not do as much as other people might want and be able to do. For some at my office, they love field work and it's fun. For me it's akin to torture and humiliation.

It's funny though, when I go to parks with my husband, we have a great time, get a decent workout and he usually wants to turn and head back a lot sooner than me! His stamina is even less than mine, I could keep going. I guess that's why we're a nice match, we both have similar energy levels. He's not even overweight either.

But then when I'm around these other scientists I just feel so crappy, like jeez I can't keep up with these people, how can they do this for HOURS? All day? Non-stop. I can do a few hours just fine but usually after about the 3 hour mark of hiking, I'm at my limit and would like to stop, but they don't want to or need to.

You're currently a free subscriber to Letters from the Mire. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.

Upgrade to paid

Comment

Restack