To see all the bullshit stories/rants/petty grievances of Kieran’s Humor go to https://kieranhumor.com. I tried to play volleyball, once. Nearly, got my nose broken (by the wife) and almost got in a different fight. It was early in our relationship. Shortly after I ate the tamale husks to impress the Savages. She found a pick-up volleyball game in Mesa. She had played in college (Florida International University). She’s such a volleyball veteran, her pinky fingers stick out in unnatural directions. That’s the sign of a dedicated blocker — when they keep breaking and twisting your pinkies and you wave what’s left of your hands in front of the hitter anyway. I thought I could hang with these rec league refugees. We show up, and I’m bumping around and keeping the ball in play. But I suck at everything else. We end up on different teams. She’s one of the first picks. It’s co-rec and having good women on the team means you will have a good team. I’m the last person picked — for good reason. I’m always in the wrong place. I’m knocking my teammates around and going for balls that aren’t mine and running over people to try and block shots. Talking ShitThe future wife is talking shit and laughing. All the guys on her team are following her around like puppies. I was getting used to that. She had that effect everywhere she went. But they were mostly trying to make her play back row — she can do that – but she’s a hitter. She had a 36-inch vertical in college and hit down inside the 10-foot line. She was the top hitter on FIU. She’s not letting these rec assholes keep her off the net.
About an hour in, she finally gets a set, winds up and smacks me straight in the nose. Didn’t draw blood, but I had broken it playing basketball earlier that year. I’m pretty sure she put a new crack in that little thin bone. “That’s a six-pack,” she said. “If you break someone’s nose, you have to buy everyone on your team a six-pack.” Jesus, who knew volleyball “celebrated” violence. The NFL suspened players and coaches for small cash payments for hurting the other team (remember the Saints?). Apparently that’s just what women “do” in fucking volleyball. There was an extra player, so of course, I was the one to sit out. There’s a dude on my future wife’s team, who’s following her more than the others. He’s talking to her every point. I can’t hear what he is saying, but he and the wife are smiling. She’s always way too nice to people — kids, puppies, old ladies and especially strange men. Those dudes all think they are something special. But she’s that way with everybody. Dude’s girlfriend was there and getting pissed. Dude took a break, drove girlfriend home and returned just to hang around with my future wife. If you think this is funny or worth a read, you can tell Kieran's Humor that writing has value. Pledge a future subscription. You won't be charged unless they enable payments.
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Thursday, 10 October 2024
Volleybrawl -- sort of
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