The Fat Kid Catching Up

By michiesmash on August 23, 2024

Last I wrote about what it feels like to be the fat kid left behind, a feeling that's followed me my whole life.

The response that piece got helped me get myself together and realize a lot of people are going through this. AND a lot of people are with me on it. A lot of people are working on the same things. A lot of people feel that "fat" is the first word they find to describe them. A lot of people are trying to find themselves, and an identity that doesn't include self-hatred in any way.

I've connected with many people on this and what we've all concluded is THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO US THAN OUR LARGER BODIES.

So I set out to remind myself that in solitude. I needed the space to let my brain be and feel and figure out what we need to feel good and whole again.

Well I am just finishing up this intensely needed week long solo date and I wanted to share my findings.

On this trip I reminded myself of all the things I love about myself again.

I reminded myself of what my body CAN do instead of what it can't.

I reminded myself that I can be spontaneous, though the plans are often tight.

I can be serious, and read a book, or be silly and sing as loud as possible.

I can enjoy my time alone, though it is still a LOT easier to do most things with someone right now, a lot easier than being noticed as my fat bodied self.

I reminded myself that I have an intense and often extreme duality to me, and that's exactly who I am.

I have been working through these issues with my body, and it's ever changing abilities.

This trip has reminded me that it's okay to be two people. I'm the rugby player, the runner, the athlete as well as the person who struggles with their weight and fitness.

I can be someone who struggles with body image but who loves themselves intensely anyway.

I can hate my body some days, but not my whole self.

It's amazing how quickly we can go down the spiral of hating our bodies and how quickly that can start to sink the whole ship.

This trip brought me back afloat.

Today I turn 35 and for the first time in a long time, I feel really okay about my body.

It's the 9th anniversary of finishing my solo dates and I'm reminded that I am so capable of so many things, and I'm so capable of being that independent self-loving woman I lose sometimes, that mermaid within; I just always have to find my way back to her.

Now I'm off to have some also much needed time with my cousins. Cheers to 35!!