My husband and I are celebrating 35 years of marriage this month. Recently, I was talking to a young lady who was telling me she was engaged, but that she and her fiancé did not have any plans to get married anytime soon. I was telling her about people in my family who also had very long engagements. Then she went on to tell me that her parents had never been married to each other. They lived together for 26 years, and had 5 children, before they ended their relationship.
I asked her why it seems like people are not getting married like they used to? She said she didn't know. I asked, "Do you think it is because they have seen so many marriages fail, that they want to make sure before they get married?" She said that could be one of the reasons, and she has actually thought about this–that it is a good question.
I told her that in reality there are no guarantees in life. There are only choices that we make in light of what we are handed in life. I said that it was actually a miracle that my husband and I stayed married, as 11 years ago, we lost our 16 year old son. I told her that many marriages do not survive after losing a child.
I did not tell her this, but I remember in that first year after Sean died–my entire being felt like an open wound. There were so many times during that year, I wanted to isolate myself from others, because it hurt to have others talk to me. It hurt to have my husband talk to me.
I imagine that couples experiencing that kind of pain, just can't handle another ounce of pain, and so leave each other. Fortunately, I knew that leaving would not make the pain better, but leaving would make the pain linger. How did I know this—I have seen couples get divorced. Many of them said that it was like going through a death—the pain did not go away–in many cases the pain got worse.
Recently my husband and I were asked what makes a successful marriage. My husband answered: grace and forgiveness. That reminded me of something Ruth Graham said, (Ruth is Billy Graham's wife.) She said, "A happy marriage is a union of two good forgivers."
I bring this up, because the only thing I've found that makes the pain go away—is forgiveness. Even if the other person won't forgive—we can choose to forgive them, for not forgiving us. Most of the time, I have to ask God to give me the power to forgive someone else. I can choose to forgive–but God gives me the ability to forfeit my right to have justice. That is a difficult thing. In fact, it requires supernatural power–God's power—God's love. (I just want to say–that I have witnessed this beautiful act of forgiveness when couples have divorced—and it brings healing even though the couples do not reconcile.)
The longer I live life—the more I see the need I have for God's forgiveness, and the more I see the need I have for God's love. Gratefully—I already have the Lord's forgiveness and love. I received them, when I trusted in Jesus' work on the cross to redeem me and bring me from the kingdom of darkness into His Kingdom of light.
When I really see how much God has forgiven me—then I find it much easier to extend to others --forgiveness and grace. (The story of the man being forgiven millions and turning around and not forgiving a paltry sum, is really a story of spiritual blindness. Believe me—I have been that spiritual blind person, too many times to count—especially when it comes to my husband.)
I share these stories to encourage all of us—to look to the Lord—it is in HIm, and only in Him that we find all that we are looking for—and when we find grace, love and forgiveness in Him, we can in turn give these things to each other.
May We Be Encouraged!!
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