RelationDigest

Tuesday, 2 July 2024

We’re Pushing People Away, and We Need to Do Better.

Since I started working online, trying to help Autism with its PR Problem seven and a half years ago, I've moved onto 'more advanced' subjects (like The Double Empathy Problem, NeuroDivergent and Queer Intersections,  Neuro…
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We're Pushing People Away, and We Need to Do Better.

By Lyric Holmans on July 2, 2024

Since I started working online, trying to help Autism with its PR Problem seven and a half years ago, I've moved onto 'more advanced' subjects (like The Double Empathy Problem, NeuroDivergent and Queer Intersections,  NeuroDivergence and Trauma, and Conversion Therapy).

While I don't often delve into the basics these days, a recent reminder from a trusted colleague has underscored the fact that our learning journeys are always in motion and always evolving.

My journey of understanding Autism and Neurodiversity has been a continuous process. I started with a lack of information, but I've built upon my knowledge over the years, constantly seeking to deepen my understanding.

When this blog was started, I was exploring the basics (what are meltdowns, shutdowns, sensory processing differences, what is Autism, etc.).

After mastering the basics of Autism, my thirst for knowledge led me to explore more complex and advanced topics. This shift in focus reflects the evolution of my understanding and the depth of my learning journey.

At the beginning of my Autism journey, I often felt isolated. The people around me had a narrow understanding of Autism, shaped by media portrayals and personal experiences with a single individual. This limited view did not align with my own experiences and struggles.

To most people, Autism was only those of us who are struggling immensely, who will never speak, care for ourselves, have relationships, or work. To them, Autism was only pain, struggles, and suffering.

For me to say, with my mouth, that I "am Autistic" was received like a slap in the face, as if my words were a physical assault on the hearer's ears.

People could not see me as Autistic because of their incorrect assumptions of what Autism was.

Though things have gotten better online and in Autism spaces over the years (and many people in the Autistic Community now know how broad the spectrum is), for the most part, people outside of the Autism and NeuroDiversty sphere still don't understand that you can be Autistic and thrive in different areas of your life.

Many people today (possibly most) still think Autism is always an Autistic Person with multiple additional complex disabilities, which significantly limit the person's ability to care for themselves and live independently or work or someone who is Autism+ (Autism + co-occurring conditions),

Over the years, my views on these topics have grown deeper, evolving as new information is processed and absorbed.

I don't have the same views and opinions I did eight years ago (when I didn't yet know I was Autistic, yet).

I don't have the same views as five or even two years ago.

I'm hardly the same person I was when I was newly diagnosed because my diagnosis was a pivotal moment in my life, and I've grown as a person since then (as we often do).

When you know better, you do better. This growth is a testament to the human potential for personal evolution and change.

We're all at different points; some are still exploring the basics, and that's okay! Our community is rich and diverse, and every perspective is valuable.

We still have work to do.

We don't give people room to learn and grow; we cut them down and shame them for making mistakes, creating a hostile and unsafe learning environment and preventing open and authentic communication between group members.

You can't learn when you're terrified of making a mistake.

People hold back, become afraid to speak up, and are scared to try because they don't want to make a mistake.

Some are convinced they will get things wrong no matter what, so they don't even try to learn (because they've seen how group members shut down, punish, shame, and shun those who make mistakes), knowing they can't handle the abuse that will come to them if they have a misstep.

Many will watch quietly, afraid to weigh in on anything, and eventually leave.

We often do a poor job of being kind and nurturing to people who are at the beginning stages of their learning journeys.

We need to do better.

We shame, belittle, and push people away when their only crime is not having the knowledge that we do.

Instead of gently educating someone who doesn't know what we know, we become activated, angry, and hostile, channeling our anger and pain onto new learners who make innocent mistakes, not realizing they're about to set foot on a landmine.

I know I've been guilty of this in the past, and I have actively worked over the past several years to "do better" in this area.

I put my information out there so people can find the information and digest it at a time when they are ready instead of trying to shove the information down their throats.

I try to remind myself of a time when I didn't know what I know today and of views I once had that I now see were problematic, and I've let go.


The rest of this post is available for FREE on Substack.

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I'm creating a new community on Substack, and I hope you'll join me as a free member (but I also have paid subscriptions that start at only $5/month – less if you subscribe annually if you want access to bonus content).

FREE subscribers on Substack get content, too! Everyone gets something (because I believe education should be accessible).

Substack offers free one-week trial on paid subscriptions. If it's not for you, you can cancel at any time with no obligation.

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Lyric Rivera, holding up a purple book with a pink brain on the cover (Workplace NeuroDiversity Rising) smiling from behind it.
Lyric Rivera, holding up a purple book with a pink brain on the cover (Workplace NeuroDiversity Rising) smiling from behind it.

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– Lyric Lark Rivera

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