There is always a lot to mentally and emotionally unpack following a competition, usually far too much for one journal entry or blog post, and this competition post-mortem is no different. My previous post alluded to the last few months being challenging for various reasons and feeling some doubts with my squats. As I waited to have my equipment checked and to be weighed in, I tried not to let my thoughts drift too far forward, knowing how easy it would be to let my head run wild with anxiety and fear, and I think I was doing a good job of staying focused for a while, at least until I was thrown for a loop.
The warm up area for most competitions is not very big, at least in terms of equipment. While there was plenty of physical space at this venue, there were only three warm up platforms which had to be shared amongst 13 or 14 competitors. This was a big shock to my husband who was once again handling me behind the scenes, because his only previous handling experience was at Westerns a few months ago where we were blessed to have 6 warm up platforms for the same number of competitors. When I was ready to begin my squat warm ups, I walked up to an empty platform, did a few reps with the bar, waited a few minutes, loaded some plates on the bar and did some more reps. While waiting a few more minutes, we were suddenly approached by a coach asking us to move to a different platform to warm up, because his team was using that platform. Kane was ready to do battle for me, but we just moved to another platform and had to now work in with others again. Unfortunately, this unexpected move resulted in the clock moving faster than my ability to get my warm up reps into the rotation of athletes, and I literally had to rush to get as many warm ups done as I could before rushing to the real platform as the competition was already beginning and I was near the top of the list.
Being rushed in warm ups meant that I was not able to take my last planned warm up, and that threatened my focus and confidence with a massive nuclear meltdown. I already didn't feel confident with squats, and now I had to step onto the platform with my heart racing with stress and adrenaline, taking a massive jump of 30 pounds, and feeling as if I might completely fail all of my squats. Although it felt like an eternity, I really did not have more than a handful of minutes to gather myself together, calm my nerves and breathing, and focus on what I knew I was capable of instead of the worst that could happen. I cannot tell you what I remember in the moment of performing that squat, but I did it and I think it felt and moved better than the same weight did for my one successful squat at Westerns. That was a little boost to my confidence, but I still felt nervous about my second attempt, knowing that is where I struggled a few months ago. I don't remember much about that squat either, but I made it.
For all three lifts, my coach gave me two options for my final attempts. The first option was more conservative and safe, while the other option was slightly bigger and, from my perspective, riskier. My coach fully believes that I am completely capable of the higher attempts, and most days I would probably agree with him. However, it is nice to have two options. If things aren't feeling great on the day, I can play it safe, or I can really go for it if things are moving super well. My husband would argue that I chose to play it too safe, but I made my decisions with logic over ego. The lower attempt for final lift would still be a personal best in one way or another, so I could play safe and put up my best competition ever and be completely happy and proud with those results. The alternative was to go after bigger personal bests and run the risk of missing lifts and leaving pounds on the platform. With my squat struggles lately, there was never a question about which final attempt I would select, assuming I was successful on the previous attempts. For bench press, the lower option would be a competition best but not a personal best, so I kind of wanted to go for the higher option but also knew that was ego feeling greedy. Bench press personal bests are not something that comes quickly for me, so I wisely settled on the safer option. The final deadlift option was the one where I would have likely been able to take the heavier option and pulled it off, but I chose the safe option because I was in a position to have a perfect meet and I wanted that much, much more than a bigger personal record. My last perfect competition was November 4, 2017, which was where I injured my back.
I finished with:
squat 117.5kg (259.0 lbs) all-time PR
bench press 67.5kg (148.8 lbs) competition PR
deadlift 145.0kg (319.7 lbs) all-time PR
total 330kg (727.53 lbs) all-time PR
This was the performance I had envisioned heading into Westerns!
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