Pan Goatee Beheads Uglos On Tuesday July 30th 2024

By Dracul Van Helsing on July 30, 2024

Pan Goatee beheads a super repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp near an ATM 🏧 machine in a gas ⛽️ station convenience store

Pan Goatee had gone to a nearby gas station ⛽️ to use their ATM 🏧 to withdraw money.

A stupid fucking ugly female cyclist was approaching him from the other side of the street so Pan beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

Later in the gas ⛽️ station at the ATM 🏧, after withdrawing $40, he looked at his ATM 🏧 withdrawal receipt and discovered that his full disability cheque had come in.

He decided to withdraw another $60.

But then at that moment, a stupid fucking repulsively ugly fat ugly blimp came wandering around in the area.

So Pan beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

He then walked up the street.

5 nurses that came from the hospital across the street were going on their lunch break.

4 of them were beautiful and the 5th was a fat ugly blimp.

"What a nightmare you must be to your patients," Pan shouted out, "John Cleese's character of Basil Fawlty on Fawlty Towers would be screaming out in the utmost agony."

Pan threw his astral laser machete at the fat ugly blimp beheading her and cutting her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

He then walked up to a nearby grocery store supermarket.

In one of the line-ups an ugly looking woman was standing with her beautiful looking daughter so Pan beheaded the uglo mother and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

"Sorry, you never know what uglo genes you might be passing on," Pan said as he beheaded the beautiful daughter and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

After going back for the cheese twice, he then entered a line up.

But not before beheading a fat ugly blimp pushing a grocery cart full of groceries that would be enough to feed the poor hungry children of Calgary for a year as she headed towards the computerized automatic checkouts.

As Pan was leaving the till with the beautiful Muslim girl cashier, a fat ugly blimp tried to get past him in the cash register till line-up so Pan beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

As Pan left the supermarket grocery store and walked across the parking lot, four people were watching him from different corners of the parking lot.

Two Mossad operatives.

Said one Mossad operative to the other, "I wonder what it would take to get Pan Goatee to fight for Israel 🇮🇱."

And two Hezbollah operatives.

Said one Hezbollah operative to the other, "I wonder what it would take to get Pan Goatee to fight for Hezbollah and the Islamic Revolution."

-A Pan Goatee tale
written Tuesday July 30th
2024.