Pan Goatee Beheads Fat Ugly Blimps On Thursday July 25th 2024

By Dracul Van Helsing on July 25, 2024

World famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee had once again headed to the neighbourhood donut shop to use their WiFi as his landlady's demonically possessed cable internet 🛜 Wifi provider company still hadn't reconnected the WiFi in his landlady's house.

Even though his landlady's bank had said they had finally sent the payment to the internet 🛜 service provider and computer records showed that the Internet 🛜 service provider had indeed received payment from the bank on behalf of Pan's landlady's account.

But his landlady's internet service provider continued to act like a bunch of AIDS infested assholes (any similarity to those assholes found in a sauna bathhouse located on the property of a Jesuit seminary is purely coincidental) and refused to restore his landlady's WiFi Internet Service.

A week ago his landlady had gone to the Calgary Public Library to apply for low income Internet 🛜 WiFi service offered by the City of Calgary to homeowners whose income was less than $20,000 a year.

And sadly Pan's landlady's' income was less than $20,000 a year.

Even though she had college diplomas in nursing, dental hygiene 🪥 assistant and also medical therapeutic massage, she was still unable to find a job.

She worked a job having to deliver newspapers early in the morning to various residential districts of Calgary.

Of course there were many people in Calgary who were struggling to make ends meet.

And it was all due to the desire of Canada's unmanly menstruating Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau to switch Canada over to a no-emissions carbon economy a thing which was impossible to do in reality.

Nevertheless the brainless "woke" leaders of the western world such as the unmanly menstruating Trudeau, Emmanuel Macron (who had married his Transgendered school teacher several years his senior which now almost the entire populace of France 🇫🇷 now admitted- the only ones denying this fact being the so-called "journalists" who worked in that country's brainless mainstream media), German Chancellor Olaf Scholz (who was still trying to figure out how to govern a country) and senile old fool Joe Biden (whose baton for climate change would be taken up by his airheaded Vice-President the well-known and irritatingly cackling witch Kamala Harris) continued to press on with this idiotic agenda.

As both Renfield R. Renfield the former British Member of Parliament for the English constituency of Tewkesbury In The Cotswolds and a Calgary based geopolitical analyst have said, the only way true justice can be restored in Canada is if Canada's unmanly menstruating Neo-Stalinist tyrant Justin Trudeau is publicly hanged by the neck until dead.

Immediately after World War II, Norway 🇳🇴 (a country that had abolished capital punishment) had temporarily restored capital punishment in law just so they could have the joy of executing Quisling a notorious Norwegian collaborator with the Nazis.

Likewise, Renfield and the Calgary based geopolitical analyst argued, Canada should temporarily restore capital punishment in law just so Canadians could have the joy of executing Trudeau a notorious Canadian collaborator with the Neo-Fascists, Neo-Stalinists and Neo-Maoists of the World Economic Forum.

And the hanging of Justin Trudeau should be public (both live in person in front of the House of Commons in Ottawa and also broadcast live on television in both Canada and around the world) to serve as an example to despots and tyrants everywhere.

Then Justin Trudeau should be taken to a spot where he could be buried face downwards so that he could see where he was going.

Anyhow the application for the City of Calgary Internet 🛜 program for low-income house owning Calgarians had been accepted and Pan's landlady was expecting the arrival of the Internet 🛜 service person to hook up her modem and router to the WiFi service later this afternoon.

Pan hoped this would be the last time he'd have to go to the donut shop to use their public WiFi as there had been an extraordinary and exorbitant amount of uglos who had dropped in to the donut shop during the whole week that Pan had been forced to go there to use their public WiFi.

No doubt the evil deranged mad scientist Dr. Anthony Fauci and the evil Norse trickster god Loki (who were the satyr's arch enemies) had sent text messages and emails to the city's huge and unbelievably large collection of uglo females to visit the donut shop at that location to irritate Pan Goatee.

And of course uglo females being stupid as well as ugly weren't bright enough to realize that they were in effect being sent on kamikaze missions by Dr. Fauci and Loki since visiting the donut shop where world famous genetically created satyr Pan Goatee was present would 100% result in their eventual beheadings and dismemberment.

As such, Krampus the Austro-Hungarian and Bavarian demon had been kept extremely busy the past 10 days picking up the remains of all the uglos and morons that Pan had beheaded and dismembered and lugging them down to the lowest circle of Tartarus.

Anyhow Pan sat in the donut shop sipping his large double double coffee.

It had been too fucking cold 🥶 today with a fucking cold 🥶 breeze outside to order an Iced Cappuccino which the satyr did on days when it was too fucking hot 🥵.

The fucking cold breeze was also blowing in smoke from the wildfire which was currently threatening to burn down the entire town of Jasper Alberta Canada a beautiful town and resort in Alberta's beautiful Blue Canadian Rockies.

A Calgary based geopolitical analyst had told Pan this morning that his (the analyst's father) had spent the summer before his first year of University (where he had enrolled in a Bachelor of Arts Honours History program at the University of Alberta beginning that autumn) working a summer job at the world famous Jasper Park Lodge located on the shore of a beautiful mountain lake (the name of which the geopolitical analyst had currently forgot).

River of No Return a movie that had starred Robert Mitchum and Marilyn Monroe and made back in the 1950s (released in 1954) had also been filmed in Jasper National Park near the town of Jasper.

Now that whole historic and beautiful area was in danger of going up in flames.

Sad, how so much beauty was being lost in the world, Pan reflected as he looked up from his tablet and then noticed two fat repulsively ugly fat ugly blimps waddling through the door thus confirming him in his immediate observation.

The two fat ugly blimps were Filipino women.

You didn't see too many fat Filipinos let alone fat ugly Filipinos.

Most Filipino women were slim and beautiful.

There were a couple of fat ugly Filipino women who worked as cashiers on the all Filipino staff of this particular donut shop.

But they weren't as fat or as ugly as the two repulsive fat ugly Filipino blimps who had just waddled through the door.

Pan threw up on the Calgary city councillor sitting at the table next to him.

"That does it," the Calgary city councillor stood up with barf all over him, "That's the last time I'm going to vote alongside Calgary's airheaded Neo-Bolshevik Communist Mayor Jyoti Gondek on any issue. Every time I do so, someone always comes up to me in a public restaurant and barfs 🤮 all over me."

The councillor ran to the washroom to wash all the barf off his shirt.

As Pan sat there, one of the pair of fat ugly Filipino blimps came and sat at the table directly in front of him so he would be forced to look at her stupid fucking fat pathetic repulsively ugly blimp face.

Taking his anger management coach's advice, he went and sat down at another table where he wouldn't have to look at the fat ugly Filipino blimp's face.

The satyr was hoping there wouldn't be too many emails to review today so he could get back in time to his landlady's place to wait for the arrival of the cable internet 🛜 WiFi service person to hook up the router and modem to the new service.

As luck would have it, every single idiot on WordPress who hadn't posted a blog post in millennia decided to post one today so his email box was clogged up with notifications.

"I don't even remember or recall who you are," Pan said as he deleted yet another WordPress notification of a blog post in his inbox.

Finally he went to the Promotions section of his email inbox.

He generally checked his Promotions box carefully because his idiotic email server occasionally put important emails in his Promotions section.

Usually his Promotions inbox had only 10 to 15 emails in it.

Today however it would be 30.

As he raced to about 3/4 of the way through his Promotions emails, the two fat ugly Filipino blimps stood up to leave.

Pan quickly picked up his tablet and his coffee and raced out the door ahead of the two fat ugly Filipino blimps.

Then as Pan walked down the sidewalk, the satyr noticed the two fat ugly Filipino blimps waddling behind him.

That was the final straw.

Pan threw his astral laser machete at the two fat ugly Filipino blimps beheading them and cutting them up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond 999 trillion x infinity and beyond 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

Pan continued to walk up the street.

As he walked across the street and crossed the intersection there was another fat ugly blimp standing at that corner so Pan beheaded her and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.

. . .

At last night's address of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu's address to a joint session of Congress, the Persian demon god of darkness and chaos Ahriman booed and jeered Netanyahu along with Democratic Party members of Congress.

Joining Ahriman in the jeering and booing alongside U.S. Congressional Democrats were the ghosts of Adolf Hitler, Adolf Eichmann, Dr. Josef Mengele and Klaus Barbie who had all been dispensationally released from the Realm of Hades by Hades (the god) at the request of the Persian demon god Ahriman.

. . .

Thursday evening.

Well fuck it, Pan thought, the brainless idiot on the phone who had taken his landlady's request for a low-income Internet 🛜 account had forgotten to give her an an account number so the Internet 🛜 service guy had never showed up at the house to hook up her modem and router to the new system.

Fuck it.

He'd just stop being on the Internet 🛜 for a few days or maybe a week or who knows how long as he was not going to wreck his mental health by going to public restaurants to use their WiFi when nothing but uglos seemed to come strolling or waddling through the door.

-A Pan Goatee tale
written Thursday
July 25th
2024.