I am in amazement that I was drawn to a CS Lewis clip because it was a sneaky way for the Lord to address the underlinings of my boredom and burnout with church life. The headline read "healing the wound in your minds" and yet it covered a topic completely unexpected. Even as I write this, I think about so many who have said along my journey, that my time hasn't yet arrived because God is doing a sustainable work. I still sit however, wondering when and if I will ever be ready to share all that fills my heart and use it to promote His kingdom? As I listened to the message, it didn't seem like it made sense at all when it talked about loneliness because lonely wasn't even in the title. But God knew I needed a reminder that He had not revoked his purpose or plan for my life. Jeremiah 17:5 says, "cursed is the man who trusts in man, and makes flesh his strength, whose heart departs from the Lord", and it caused me to hold my breath, for I've had many relationships change over the past year and a half for that very reason. I drank the juice of forever and followed in the footsteps of others who weren't meant to go the distance with me. As I returned to Him alone and pressed into His presence, I've had to mourn the loss of many I had hoped would remain constant and even be a stable connection to faith. That void has drawn me even deeper into solitude and rich prayer time like described in Luke 5:16 when Jesus often got alone.
But as I continued to read the verses in Jeremiah, I was taken back to a moment in time when I was ministering with my friend Glen at a church when a young woman stopped me as I was leaving. She called out my nomadic nature as being trustworthy to the Lord because He would send me into the desert places, and I would impart to them an oasis of water to draw upon as I left. She reminded me that, although I was solo while pouring out to others, I was not alone. I remembered a dream I had days prior to that service about my handing out olive branches to families and watching them soar to mountain tops as I had just come out of a darkened valley. Her words confirmed that very dream and then she quoted Jeremiah 17:8, "for she shall be like a tree planted by the waters which spreads out its roots by the river, and will not fear when heat comes, but it's leaf will be green and will not be anxious in the year of drought, nor will cease from yielding fruit". That moment gripped me, it changed me and I have held onto remnants of it when darkness has encroached to get me off course.
That experience began my transition to the Atlanta area to embark upon inner healing for a prophetic five years, which ended at the start of 2024. Yesterday in worship, I saw that dream from six years ago in my mind's eye, and it came rushing forward with the very moment I saw her words in my Bible today. I am sure I knew it was scripture when she professed it because obviously I have highlighted and visited that verse since then, but the personal reminder I read this morning was surreal. It came alive. It gave answer to my boredom and burnout with religion and that following His spirit won't be popular, but it will be worth it. The Lord is always reminding me and encouraging me in the quiet moments through impressions, gestures, dreams, whispers, and pictures, because He needs my time devoted to His vision, to trust that He has not forgotten me on this journey. Jesus was acquainted with my lonely heart because He understood the separation from man in order to behold the Father's ways. It was as if He had me reminisce the long way through forgotten images and used curiosity to lure me into another discovery of His promises that stand true to me. All that has eluded me when applying the Gospel as a blanket statement to my questions makes sense, because that isn't enough for me. I need all of it intertwined to make sense of the details and differences that my life has embarked upon, and He always does that for me when I make time to quiet myself and dwell in His presence.
The only reason I was even with my friend Glen in that church was because 20 years prior I prophesied over him that he would be a preacher and a missionary in a moment that he didn't even know who God was. He did indeed give his heart to Christ and became a missionary pastor which had us reunite at a healing conference where invitations to pray for others opened up. Our lives are interwoven we think by chance, but every thought, every concern , every question matters, and The Lord will direct our steps according to the willingness of our heart which may entail a long trajectory of some years alone, but when His peace unfolds just before your next step, it becomes a walk of legacy. Trust in Him alone, He will never dessert you and will supply living water for your journey where you will encounter spiritual moments that align your life with heaven's direction. The first step into a dry and thirsty land may turn into doubt along the way but He will never lead you down the wrong road because a supernatural one is often between you and Him alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment