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Saying no is one of the hardest skills to carry out. Let alone doing it well. Reason being that we don't want to disappoint others or making people feel bad. Nevertheless, sometimes it is necessary to say no. Any parent experienced this with their child could testify.
While the word "no' is easy to utter, the end result is often unsatisfying for the message sender and the recipient. It feels too efficient. Like a lose-lose outcome, too simplistic with little compassion or reasoning. How can we say it better?
Given situation and individual varies, no canned answer be one size fits all. However, I find the I-statements seem to be a useful balance between too verbose and too efficient. It goes something like this: "I feel [state your own feelings] when you [described the undesirable behavior] and I would like [specify the change you seek]."
Example: I feel ignored when you keep on playing games when we're trying to have a conversation, and I would like you to stop playing games if you really want to talk to me.
By first stating your own feelings, one is being assertive without coming across as being aggressive, like jumping right in with the desired change. Moreover, spelling out the undesirable behavior provides clarity and space for the recipient to digest the message.
What do think about the I-statements? Would you give it a try?
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