Hideously ugly fat ugly blimps are always sneaking up on people unaware and only one person can stop them - Pan Goatee!
Pan Goatee was walking through the neighbourhood.
He was en route to the nearest ATM to get some money.
As he was walking down the street he noticed a hideously ugly fat ugly blimp waddling from the other direction.
The hideously ugly fat ugly blimp made a bee line right towards him.
So the satyr beheaded the hideously ugly fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.
"What a fucking fucking fucking fucking ugly hideously ugly fat ugly blimp you were, you fat ugly cow," the satyr stated, "Good riddance to you."
Krampus arrived on the scene and agreed, "Yes, this fat ugly cow seemed to be even more exceptionally ugly than usual. And that's saying a lot. Especially in the city of Calgary a city which is infamous for its hideously ugly fat ugly blimps."
Krampus carried the remains of the hideously ugly fat ugly blimp down to the lowest circle of Hell.
At the request of Lucifer.
Who wanted the hideously ugly fat ugly blimp to be as far away from him as possible.
. . .
The scene was Crimea.
After the vampire Lev Tomi (who in his mortal life had been Leon Trotsky the Soviet Russian Commissar For War under Vladimir Lenin) had inspected the Israeli built atomic bomb that had been sold to him by one of Benjamin Netanyahu's cabinet ministers, he saw that it was an old bomb.
The ghost of Dr. Robert Oppenheimer wondered if it would work properly and suggested a good old fashioned timing device with a stick of dynamite 🧨 be placed on it to help it explode.
Three kamikaze volunteers agreed to sit on the device to make sure the timer worked.
One of the kamikaze volunteers was Long Cheney a distant relative of America's warmongering former Vice-President Dick Cheney.
Another was French Fryey McCain a distant relative of the warmongering late Arizona Sen. John McCain.
And the third was Six Six Six Pence a distant relative of America's treacherous and warmongering former Vice-President (under Donald Trump) Mike Pence.
"I regret that I have but one life to give for my country," Long Cheney stated as he was tied to the bomb 💣.
"We're not complaining, every little bit helps," Lev Tomi answered.
"I regret that I have but one life to give for Ukraine," said French Fryey McCain as he was tied to the bomb 💣.
"Don't worry, we'll name a perogie after you," Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky told French Fryey McCain before he started swearing after he had spilled brown HP sauce all over his green shirt and green pants.
"I regret I did not go to the bathroom 🚽 before this," Six Six Six Pence announced as he was tied to the bomb.
"I think it's more Cheney and McCain who are tied underneath you who should be worried," the ghost of Dr. Robert Oppenheimer remarked.
Shiva the Hindu god of destruction danced Salome's Dance of The Seven Veils while the transgendered Mexican spectral demon of death Santa Muerte sang that old Ritchie Valens hit song La Bamba over the bomb.
. . .
Pan Goatee had taken the C-Train downtown to see if they were once again offering free meals across from City Hall since it was Friday night.
They weren't.
The bastards.
So Pan waited to take the C-Train back home.
As he stood on the platform, a really repulsive uglo came and stood right in front of him.
"How does it feel to be an idiot?" Pan asked the airheaded uglo before cutting her head off and cutting her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.
As he waited for an uncrowded train back to his neighbourhood, a man came up to him, "Can I offer you a free sample of Heinz ketchup?".
"I've stopped using Heinz ketchup ever since your company started making TV ads with a really repulsively ugly uglo looking spokesperson who calls herself Miss Heinz," Pan answered.
He beheaded the Heinz peddler and cut him up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.
Coincidentally at that moment in Crimea, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky spilled a non-Heinz ketchup brand (he was following Pan's boycott) all over his green shirt and green pants.
"Shit, what a day I'm having," Zelensky exclaimed.
At that moment the cheap Israeli atomic bomb in Crimea detonated prematurely (like Joe Biden) blowing Long Chaney, French Friyey McCain and Six Six Six Pence to smithereens.
"Duck and cover," said Zelensky who did just that.
Meanwhile Pan had got off the C-Train in his neighbourhood.
As he was walking back home, a fat ugly blimp got directly in front of him.
So Goatee beheaded the fat ugly blimp and cut her up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond x 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.
As he stood at the intersection, a smiling man said to him, "Hi, I'm the President of the Alberta Teachers' Association."
"That's what you get for producing an entire generation of uglos and morons," Pan expressed the frustration of the Alberta provincial taxpayer as he beheaded the ATA President and cut him up into 999 trillion x infinity and beyond pieces.
-written Friday June 7th 2024.
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