Earlier today, I read a good piece on the inability for too many women to trust men. This lack of trust hinges on men who have taken advantage of them including physical violence and sexual assault or misconduct. Or, it could be just the maltreatment around condescending or controlling behavior.
On top of the obvious wrongness of these behaviors, it got me thinking about two trends that flavor thinking that need to be challenged by both men and women. First, too many men are taught being a man, or adult for that matter, is about being physical or controlling. It is not. It is about accountability and responsibility. It is about owning your mistakes and commitments. It is about respecting your relationships. It is not about overpowering anyone, especially a woman. In fact, that is manhandling not masculinity.
Second, women are hit from so many directions - magazines, ads, pop stars, etc. - that being a woman is displaying their bodies publicly in a highly sensuous manner. Women are shown or told they have to look ideal. Young teen girls and boys are seeing their singing idols perform in attire that is more evocative than it needs to be. That is just one aspect of being a woman, but too many men interpret that wrongly and see it as an invitation for more unwanted behavior. It is not. I fully understand the desire to look good, even sexy, but watching some performers dress like a cabaret singer seems a little much, especially if your audience is twelve year old girls.
Women need to advocate for themselves, but women need more men as advocates, as well. The #metoo movement needs men to say this behavior is wrong, because it happens everyday. For every Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Jeffrey Epstein, Donald Trump, celebrity chef, et al, who get press for sexual assault there are thousands of men who control the work schedules in big box retail stores, restaurants, other employers, who will offer better work schedules for sexual favors. This especially occurs in towns with fewer work options.
This is not right and men and women need to speak up against maltreatment by abusive people. We need to be accountable and responsible to and for each other. The people that I also hold in little regard are the enablers to men like this who make their sexual assault problems go away. These people, who surprisingly include some women, perpetuate environments for abuse. That is wrong, as well.
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