Continued from https://pdlionunlimited.wordpress.com/?p=5510 I heard someone say once, "Lord, help me to seek to understand more than I seek to be understood." If you make this your motto with your woman, she will eventually see it and she will d…
I heard someone say once, "Lord, help me to seek to understand more than I seek to be understood." If you make this your motto with your woman, she will eventually see it and she will drop most, if not all of her guards, because she will become more and more secure in your love for her. It will take time.
Be mindful, though, that because of the experiences people abroad have had with folks they marry from home, they have learnt to put security measures in place so as not to be exploited. In the same vein, those from home are learning to take steps to make sure that they too are not victimised in the name of marrying abroad.
Be ready for the friction that will come when your firewall meets her firewall. The choice will be whether each of you will try to protect yourselves, and defend your individual rights, or whether you will choose to be vulnerable and lay your lives down for each other ... as Christ did for us.
For greater love has no man or woman than when he or she sacrifices himself or herself for the benefit of someone he or she loves.
A different line of thought to consider: if you are seen advancing your life, pursuing your dreams, and building yourself in a direction that is productive, it would be easier to convince her that you are not interested in her merely as a ticket out of Nigeria. But if all she can see is an effort to leave Nigeria at all costs, especially if she can see that you had no meaningful pursuits already going on while you wait to leave, then the thought will always be there that you are just an opportunist.
If you understand that one of the top things a woman who is ready to be a wife is looking for is security, you will see what I'm saying as true. A wife-to-be needs to see that you were already on the path to making something of yourself; you were not waiting for a woman to latch onto as your access to a good life.
Q: Your Words are so apt, brain piercing and mind piercing. My understanding is being opened. I will have to archive these words.
A: A girlfriend might have romantic experience at the top of her list and so will desire sweet phone calls, texts and so on, but the needs of a wife-to-be, will lean more towards a stable home and family, which is the future, than she leads towards the present romance even though she enjoys it.
Q: Very true, sir.
A: 😄
Q: Yes, boss. Lol.
A: A word of caution, please.
It is one thing for you to seek to demonstrate to your girl that your intentions are genuine and your love is true, it is quite another that she holds it over your head, making demands of you to prove to her that you are not a gold digger.
In your thoughts, words and actions, let the sincerity of your motive shine through, that your love for her has nothing to do with the fact that she is a citizen of the UK. You would have wound up in the UK on your own anyway, so she is not a ticket to you. This much should be obvious in you.
But if you observe that she seems to repeatedly bring this up in spite of your efforts to demonstrate your sincerity and persuade her, I will beg you to pause. If you notice that she is developing a strategy that sets tasks for you to fulfil in order to prove that you are not a parasite, I will beg you to pause. It is a sign of distrust. It indicates that she is more bound to the fears of the possibilities of being taken advantage of than she is to the possibility that you might be true.
For a person in such a frame of mind, you will never be able to do enough to convince her and at some point, the relationship will become oppressive and abusive until it becomes explosive. The first task may be easy stuff, but it will keep escalating until it becomes unreasonable an unattainable. With each task, you will notice that it is tied to you proving to her that you are not trying to use and/or dump her, and like school tests, you will get the sense that your future is dependent on how you perform. If you observe this, I beg you, pause.
Now, this is not applicable only to your situation because she is from the US. It would be the same with a woman who feels she has any social or even spiritual edge over you. And it is applicable even if your positions were reversed. So don't think I have anything against women being in a situation that makes them more apparently enviable than the men coming for them.
If any person feels they are doing you a favour by entertaining your affection, then pause; they do not deserve your affection. Walk away. If a person is so afraid of being victimised that they would treat everyone as an aggressor, it is only a matter of time that they would become aggressors themselves. While they might start out playing defense, they will eventually switch to playing offense.
Daniel Oyanna is a conference speaker on relationships, health, faith and other subjects and a Pastor and teacher blessed by God with a grace to make things easy to understand. He is the author of the book To Date or Not to Date, Instructions in Submission, Crushing the Crushers, several mini-books most of which are free. He started UnLimited to help people reach their God-given goals by walking with them to their finish line. He is reachable at pd_lionunlimited@yahoo.com
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