Q: A good friend in the UK mentioned a UK-based Nigerian lady to me. I checked her out on facebook and we got chatting. I have prayed and done my due diligence and I feel at peace with the idea of marrying her. We have met and I am still persuaded o…
Q: A good friend in the UK mentioned a UK-based Nigerian lady to me. I checked her out on facebook and we got chatting. I have prayed and done my due diligence and I feel at peace with the idea of marrying her. We have met and I am still persuaded of the same. Her family suggested a court wedding to get the visa side started, which I am okay with.
When we met in person, in the course of our conversation, she asked a lot of questions which I answered in all sincerity, why I love her, what kind of family I plan to have, where I see myself in the next 5 years, sooo many questions. In spite of my detailed answers she somehow feels that I just want to use her to leave the country and abandon her later like some other guys do.
I truly love her but I can't seem to convince her that I mean her no harm and I really want to spend my life with her. What can I do, sir?
A: Well, this happens quite often enough. I'm sure you know that.
Especially nowadays that Jakpa is trending and people have been known to say and do anything just to leave the country, I cannot blame her for harbouring such thoughts, and I hope you don't blame her either.
Q: I don't blame her at all. I understand perfectly well.
A: Another issue is that since you did not know each other before you started your romantic interest in her, she has no way of knowing your character enough to believe that when you say you love her, you actually mean it. It would have to take time for you to demonstrate that your claim of love is genuine. You can't really prove your love by just talking. It is some consistency over time that you have as the only way to prove yourself to her.
Q: Very true, sir. What you said is totally true and are my conclusions.
A: How long have you known each other?
Q: About 18 months now. We just met for the first time now that she came for a visit to Nigeria.
A: That's fine.
So, let me ask you a question. Why do you love her?
Q: I have inner peace and satisfaction. I admire her love for her family and loved ones. She makes time for us to talk in spite of her busy schedule. She clearly loves her family, which is a big deal for me. She shows love to people around her and treats them well. She is energetic. She is beautiful inside. I know this because she does not judge anyone. She shows understanding of what others do and say and then asks reasonable questions. I really like that about her because it takes a special type of woman to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and treat others fairly and equally.
She is very emotionally intelligent and can carry a real conversation. She makes me laugh until my stomach hurts. We can joke around and have a good time with each other quite freely. She is committed to becoming a better person in her field and she is mentoring other people, and she has been getting commendations at her place of work.
A: All these are nice. But how do you know these about her just by phone conversations?
Q: I have been with her since she came to Nigeria. I believe phone conversations also help to know one's interest and perception about issues.
A: Hmmm. What do you know about her family?
Q: I have been to her family house countless times and I ask questions.
A: What about her friends?
Who are her counselors?
Is she known to her church leadership?
Some of these things might be hard to know over the phone. It would be good to meet them if you can before you tie the knot.
Q: I try to understand and pay attention when I go to their house.
A: I see.
Q: Yes Sir
A: You are a Christian. Is she a Christian like you? Does she hold the faith with a similar understanding as you?
Well, the way a man gains access to a woman's heart is one of the mysteries of the world.
Proverbs 30: 18 - 19 There are three things which are too wonderful for me, Four which I do not understand: The way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship in the middle of the sea, and the way of a man with a maid.
You require patient understanding to be able to strengthen that relationship.
1 Peter 3: 7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
I heard someone say once, "Lord, help me to seek to understand more than I seek to be understood." If you make this your motto with your woman, she will eventually see it and she will drop most, if not all of her guards, because she will become more and more secure in your love for her. It will take time.
Daniel Oyanna is a conference speaker on relationships, health, faith and other subjects and a Pastor and teacher blessed by God with a grace to make things easy to understand. He is the author of the book To Date or Not to Date, Instructions in Submission, Crushing the Crushers, several mini-books most of which are free. He started UnLimited to help people reach their God-given goals by walking with them to their finish line. He is reachable at pd_lionunlimited@yahoo.com
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