It seems as if every time I sit down to compose a blog post lately I simply cannot come up with a cohesive train of thought. In some ways, life feels busy with not quite enough time to tackle all that should be tackled each day or week, and yet, I am often finding myself within a liminal space, twiddling my thumbs and biding my time.
Fatigue is a constant companion these days, possibly for nearly two months now. Even on the nights I sleep fairly well, I am rarely waking up feeling refreshed and energized. The lower half of my body has been grumpy in varying degrees for the past two months, and that has disrupted my training program as we are trying to figure out why I'm in more pain. I have skipped several exercises and a couple of entire training sessions because of pain, and I have to admit that those kind of days make a mess of my emotions and confidence. I made a comment to my coach about feeling as if I am always finding myself in the midst of some sort of challenge or obstacle to overcome. That was definitely a true statement, but I suppose it is equally true that everyone alive is constantly needing to work their way through a challenge of one sort or another. That's just life.
Because of the fatigue and body pains, some things on my weekly to do lists have become less important and easily ignored. Ignoring tasks only creates more problems down the road, so I have been trying to be productive in little bursts scattered throughout the day. I am currently feeling more self-imposed pressure to be productive, because May 4th is a special day for Star Wars fans and it is my tradition to have a themed dinner. Since May 4th falls on a Saturday this year and I am not working that day, I have the opportunity to go bigger than usual with my fangirl celebrations. Of course, that means I have instantly added a bunch more stuff to my list of things I need to do, and I have to keep reminding myself that I no longer have as much time to procrastinate as I think I do.
It is really a good thing that I am a list maker, because it is very easy to be distracted with every random glance or turn of the head. I see the seedlings on the table that cannot be planted outside yet and think I need to remember to water them. A glance out the window reminds me that I want to scrub the deck clean, but then I see the the maple branches close by and know that they aren't yet finished dropping their spring detritus. Before we even get to Saturday, I have normal meals to plan and prepare and all the regular household cleaning and chores. There are books to read and shows to watch. Several neighbours have been talked into joining together in a land assembly in the hopes of enticing a developer, which also means that this topic has been playing on repeat around here, too. There are baseball games and playoff hockey games to watch. We need to get the irrigation turned on, and I have to finish cleaning up the flower bed. I had a Zoom meeting this morning to clarify qualifications and requirements for attending Provincials, Regionals, and Nationals for the next couple of years, which proved encouraging to discover that my path to Nationals 2025 looks to be easier than I anticipated it might be. I am internally debating whether or not to go to a competition in July. My coach, chiropractor, and I all think it would be good to get another meet in this year. The problem is that there are not many options available, especially as we don't want to travel far in the winter. Another problem is the current pain/body issues and wondering if I could or should. But if I don't do this one (and assuming that I can even get a spot as these meets fill up within minutes), I likely wouldn't have opportunity until Nationals next year. My mind is a very busy place right now!
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