I am looking at the topics, and this one seems to be the next piece in the puzzle. Of course, the topics overlap in time, but this one is logically next.
Sex and sexuality kind of are the framework of our gay relationship. I am going to keep this clean, but some descriptions are necessary to tell the story.
In the beginning, there was some exploring. We were physical, hugging, kissing, cuddling. He was into body building, which came with a macho vibrato that really didn't match his true nature. He was sweet and kind and lovable.* Although we were only three years apart in age, he was very immature.
The macho mistique took over during sex. His voice deepened. He took charge. He wanted me to verbally encourage him, telling him how strong and powerful he was during our sessions. It was laughable to me and that was my first mistake.
It got to be a routine. While I enjoyed some of it, it was all about him and his pleasure. I understood what women complained about men. I was often left unfulfilled.
He was on top of me doing his macho voice and pressing down on me really hard. It was uncomfortable. We were face to face and he made a groan and I started to giggle. Oops!
I suggest that maybe we could try different positions but no, I had done it. I had made fun of him and we were through.
At the time I didn't realize what a turning point this was in our relationship, but I would learn to regret that laugh.
I guess I need to give this some background. Prior to this I was very active. I had casual sex with many different partners. The role I played depended on who I was with at the time. Some of these were repeated.
The point is I knew what I was doing. Some of these people became friends. That's the next topic, friends. More particularly his friends as I was supposed to abandon mine. A little thing called jealousy maybe, but I think it was more about control.
*When he wanted to be, remember I said he was bipolar. He could be very mean and hurtful too.
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