RelationDigest

Monday, 29 April 2024

Is your life starting to feel like a math equation?

Kenneth Lynch, Staff Writer VARIABLES Dozens of different variables and letters, the "x"' is involved and you are asking "y"? I am here to lecture you that math is equivalent to a mental breakdown. Some might say they lead to breakdowns, b…
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Is your life starting to feel like a math equation?

Commentary Staff

April 29

Kenneth Lynch, Staff Writer

VARIABLES

Dozens of different variables and letters, the "x"' is involved and you are asking "y"? I am here to lecture you that math is equivalent to a mental breakdown. Some might say they lead to breakdowns, but that's a different story… Every person you meet represents a letter, in one form or another, and they are involved in an equation. They either help you get the answer or are the problem. How many letters are creating problems in your life? Once you figure that out, ask yourself: is your equation solved? Solving one equation often leads to the spiral of another problem. 

EQUATIONS

The most challenging equations are those where you are unsure of where to start. Despite your efforts to solve them, you realize the problem might be unsolvable. Such friendships should not exist. However, there are times when an equation has repeated occurrences of the same letter, it becomes solvable. These often symbolize social circles, friend groups or family members. When these variables balance each other out, they vanish from your equation, leaving you with nothing.

EXPONENTS
The most irritating type of equations are when they are squared or even cubed. This means they are one problem times itself two or three times. These equations often represent doubt or self-deprecating individuals in relationships (whether they are romantic or platonic). You belittle yourself so much that the variable in your life increasingly feeds on your own worries.

RADICALS

When people say they don't like change, I say, "Wait until you meet a constant." I am not much of an outside type person, so I often take coverage within my radical. My friends who are outside of my shelter invite me to leave my roots, but when I do, I constantly feel like the odd one out.

FRACTIONS

Do not get me started about numerators or denominators. I have friends that prioritize their needs over me. You can see this recurring pattern with people when they cannot progress in life unless their friends in the denominator are all the same. The only time it is acceptable to be in the bottom is when you are their "1." A fraction over one can be simplified to the value on the top. In this case, they view you as an equal to them. Keep those friends.

NUMBERS

Numbers kind of suck. A timeline of infinite numbers that decides your future. Four numbers announce the year of your graduation, a group of digits that rely on whether or not you eat or starve another day, the number of likes on a blatant, over-brightened beach post. Time is moving pretty fast. 1,568 days ago I was thirteen, and in sixty five days, I will be nineteen. I despise birthdays. They reveal ages and act as a reminder of how close you are to receiving the time of your death. A timeline of people predicted to be wiped out by the minute hands. 

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