Does disagreement in marriage mean you are doomed?
I used to have this exact thought and it only created so much PAIN and FEAR within me.
FEAR will always bring thoughts of punishment and energize the worst-case scenario.
It made me picture that we will have an awful marriage in the future if we can't agree on absolutely everything.
But LOVE brings you in line with every fruit of the Spirit; LOVE, PEACE, JOY, FAITH!
Faith is believing in the BEST most favorable outcome. It's believing in an outcome far beyond your own natural capabilities because God will join His SUPER to your NATURAL!
Unconditional love is believing the BEST of your SPOUSE, too!
Will you and your spouse have disagreements?
If you've been married more than a week, YES!
From big decisions to the littlest things.
You are two completely different people, with two completely different sets of thoughts and internal feelings.
It would be weird if you DID think exactly alike all the time.
God doesn't struggle with the fact that we think differently than Him ALL THE TIME. We're constantly having to go to Him to renew our minds with truth and get His HIGHER perspective, right?
When we accept that this is the work of being married, that we will always have someone else's thoughts, opinions, and feelings to consider, it will relieve that pressure of perfection meaning we must always agree on everything.
Perfectionism sets us up for unrealistic expectations of always having the skills, energy, and emotional fortitude to work through disagreements in a healthy way.
We learn by failure as we are endeavoring to gain more proficiency at LOVING WELL.
Some days we are good at listening, other days we aren't.
Some days we are good at finding common ground, other times we selfishly want our own way.
Some days we are good at seeing their heart and nurturing who we know they truly are, other days we are struggling just to manage ourselves.
But WE get to CHOOSE every day, that it doesn't mean we are DOOMED.
It means we are HUMAN.
DOOM and GLOOM are just the brain's way of shutting down creative ideas of how we can improve because it's programmed to conserve energy and new thoughts and ideas take some effort and stretching.
But if we CHOOSE to bypass that basic instinct of "I'm gonna take my ball and go home" mentality, it means we are giving our marriage a fighting chance.
It means we get lots of days to keep loving better and trying harder and figuring it out together.
It means we have an amazing best friend who is committed to learning alongside us.
It means we can enjoy MORE LOVE and CONNECTION and PASSION and FUN and JOY than we ever thought was possible!
Are you ready to stretch YOURSELF? To be the BEST VERSION of YOURSELF and show up in all your relationships feeling SO LOVED and FREE that you're ready to pour that out on others?
Hit the COACH WITH ME link and let's set up a time to chat! Your marriage doesn't have to FEEL DOOMED, it can FEEL DESTINED for GREAT PURPOSE! ~Be Blessed, Jenny xoxo
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