I was listening to a story about a wife who cheated on her husband. In it, the kids asked their father how could he abandon his vows simply because she cheated. The husband replied because she violated the vows, he was no longer obligated to hold up his end of the deal.
In the vows: In addition to 'forsaking all others.', it also says "in sickness, or in health, 'till death do you part." That last part stuck out to me when he said that.
I'm wondering if there is a deeper meaning to the 'till death do you part."
In spiritual practices, words have powerful connotations. They permeate the subconscious mind and can take on meanings that can run deeper than our present conscious interpretation. If we think about them or if they are pointed out to us, we can often ferret out the hidden (subconscious definitions) of the words.
I think that it's sort of how like punchlines and jokes work. We all know what a joke is, but we don't know WHY we laugh at them. It's like on the surface level, it's just a common sentence.....but something points to something deeper or hidden than taking the statement at face value. It's reasonable therefore to believe that there is something deeper behind something as sacred as vows that you take with someone. I'm pretty sure that if someone was so astute or inclined to break it down, there are all sorts of occult (hidden from the conscious) jewels in something as 'sacred' as marriage vows.
The 'till death do you part' is what i'm focused on right now. When STBXW unceremoniously broke her vows, it was like a death occurred. The death of our friendship, marriage, and I'd go so far to say as something in her died that day.
She's no longer the person who she was when I married her. Maybe I am no longer "under the spell" of being in love so now I can see her for who she is more clearly now......Or maybe she actually did "die" in sense of no longer being the person who she once was. I'm thinking the latter, though the former is a real possibility.
But doing with the latter, it could explain why I really don't recognize her anymore. Her behavior has radically changed. She used to have a certain innocence and pureness about her. Though noone is perfect, she had a problem with lying. She seemed to strongly despise 'cheaters'. She talked as if she understood 'family values.' She seemed to understand the value of money, but didn't seem to worship it. Keeping her word was important to her. Paying her debts to others seemed important.
It's like the same things that she once criticized others for not doing, she's actively now doing. It's like she's a completely different person.
She seemed to have been 'blessed' with a pretty good life. As if God's intervention prevented her from going down bad paths. She even had a pretty good bit of financial success and education despite (IMO) not exactly being she sharpest knife in the drawer. It's like she deserved the good things in her life....not necessarily based on her work ethic or intelligence, but by virtue of her being 'blessed' AND a good person.
Now that she chose this path, it seems that she's having a much harder time in life. Since then, she's had quite a few car accidents. She's falling for immoral men who cheat on their women to have sex with her on the side. Her credit is falling quickly. She's losing ('getting fired') from pretty good jobs and not finding better ones. She's allowing her credentialing as a nurse to fall to the wayside. She's not paying her taxes, thus owing the IRS a ton of money. She's falling behind on her bills. She's no longer repaying her debts on time. Her banking institutions keep cancelling her cards and accounts or she always seem to have some issues with it.
This woman never stole a thing (let her tell it), but now it seems that she's resorting to some sort of scamming thing where she's somehow getting money from random people sent to a zelle account.
She even opted out of helping me pay for Christmas gifts for kiddo this year. When asked, her response was "Christmas was never MY thing." ... as if it was all about HER.
I don't think that she knows that I know about her financial or relationship issues (it's the the snoop in me....sorry)..... but I don't rub in her face. I keep asking her if she believes in karma.......but she chalks it up to "sometimes people just go through things." When asked about her first "lover" who she played side chick for, ....she admitted that she felt that that was Karma.
IMO that's not karma. That's just a case of playing stupid games and winning stupid prizes. But i digress.
Perhaps the 'death' in till death do us part is that she is no longer the same blessed woman that she once was. She died like a spiritual death or something and she's open to all sorts of evils that seek to destroy her out here.
In our marriage, we lived a very privileged life. We didn't argue or fight. If offended, we'd always apologize to one another. There was no cheating or infidelity on my behalf. No abuse. We had a few financial issues, but nothing to the point where we were worried about if we could afford the next month's rent/mortgage or utilities. We lived in a nice community. Our kid was thriving educationally and we had him in all sorts of sports, acting, karate. He went to great schools. We were all healthy. Looked good as a family and were told that quite often from quite a few people.
Even though I didn't quite know what more I wanted to do with my life, I had a pretty decent career, and I was fully supportive of her dreams of going back to get a higher education. Several people on both sides of our families told me personally that we seemed to have a great relationship. Her family seemed to love and respect me. We didn't face the challenges that so many other couples that we knew had to go through. I personally felt blessed and was full of gratitude for what we had and our potential do even more. It seemed the sky was the limit as to what we could do/have, our problem wasn't figuring out how to survive, it was what's next....not a bad problem to have imo.
So to me, it seemed that we had all of the building blocks that was needed to break generational curses and be set up for a pretty good life. There didn't seem to be any issues that would warrant her just going off the deep end like that.
So far, I've been pretty blessed and am still full of gratitude for my health. I am working a job that I love and even though not rich (yet), am making enough to comfortably make ends meet. Kiddo is doing ok in school, and seems to be on the right track. I am proud to see him coming into his own.
The biggest problem right now I have is with STBXW not granting me the divorce. I'm not sure what is wrong with her, but I think her soul died or something. I've tried to be as reasonable as I can be with her despite her unapologetic betrayals and basically leaving me to raise kiddo alone. I'm a pretty laid back and reasonable guy, but her excuses just don't make sense to me. Her choices just seem like that of an oblivious and selfish individual.
Her descent into whatever hell she going down is starting to affect me financially despite her being educated to be a highly skilled and thus more highly paid nurse practitioner.
Knowing her financial struggles right now, I've even asked her if she needs more time to help get money to pay for bills for kiddo. She lies EVERY SINGLE time and claims she's going to send the money. I'm pretty sure that she doesn't have it, but instead of admitting that she doesn't have it now....she just claims she's going to do it and has started avoiding my phone calls or texts when I ask where it is.
She's starting to act like a "Pookie". I wonder if because she's having sex with those guys, if she's starting to take on their characteristics. Perhaps her spirit has been corrupted and she's now going down similar paths.
I'm not sure how deep this rabbit hole with go with her, but one thing for sure is that even IF she tries coming back with her tail tucked between her legs, I can't take her back. She's burned too many bridges with me. She gave 0 fucks about my feelings or if she did the right or wrong thing. I could never trust her. I fell in love with her heart and it seems that it's gone now.
It's like she's a soulless entity walking around just hell bent on doing whatever she wants.....almost like a zombie. So when the vow said, "till death do us part." I am wondering if the deeper means that breaking this vow will result in your death.....similar to to 'death' described in the bible of Adam in Eve when they got kicked out of Eden for violating their covenant after eating of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
But I could just be overthinking it.
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