RelationDigest

Monday, 26 February 2024

Should I tell my child they are NeuroDivergent?

Lyric Holmans posted: " Being a Trans Person, in addition to being an Autistic Person, means I view my Autistic Experiences through a NeuroQueer lens that is informed by my Trans Experience.  Both of these experiences (being Autistic and Trans) impact how I view so"
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Should I tell my child they are NeuroDivergent?

Lyric Holmans

February 26

Being a Trans Person, in addition to being an Autistic Person, means I view my Autistic Experiences through a NeuroQueer lens that is informed by my Trans Experience. 

Both of these experiences (being Autistic and Trans) impact how I view social constructs and systems, as well as how I view both Autistic and Trans People's place in society. 

Being both Autistic and Trans also informs the ways I view the systems that threaten and oppress us (like Eugenics, Christian Nationalism/anti-Queer hate, ABA/Conversion Therapy).

I think of my NeuroDivergence (AuDHD) as my primary identity because it is the one that people notice first; it is the part of me that, even if I do my best to hide it, if people spend enough time with me, they will notice there's "something different" about me. 

In recent years, with the rise of anti-Queer Christian Nationalists, it has become crucial that I speak about my trans experience, as ant-trans hatred (and anti-trans legislation) continue to increase globally.

My Queerness is invisible, but my Autism and ADHD are not. 

My NeuroDivergence (even when I didn't know what it was) has always been on display (and could be seen in the ways that I moved, spoke, and engaged with the world around me).

People whose NeuroDivergence is more invisible (or even more visible) than mine will likely have a different experience (and may identify themselves differently). However, in my case, even without the labels of "Autistic" and "ADHD," people notice me -because I stand out (without trying to do so, even when I want to be invisible).

To those who have NeuroDivergent Children and say they "don't want to limit them by putting labels on them":

Before I knew I was in NeuroDivergent, my labels were:

Stubborn, "Lazy, Rebellions, Difficult, Stupid, Flake, dumb."

Now, those have been replaced with:

Autistic, ADHD, Hyperlexic, FaceBlind (and more I am learning about as I go).

The first labels I had destroyed my self-esteem. The new labels removed the old labels and set me free.

I spent the first twenty-nine years trying to do the impossible (hiding un-concealable parts of myself).

Learning I was Autistic at twenty-nine and about my ADHD a few years later helped me to realize how futile my efforts at blending in had been. 

At first, I thought I was a "great camouflager" because I'd managed to go undetected for almost the first thirty years of my life. However, in reality, people just didn't know enough about Autism and ADHD to apply these terms to me, instead using terms they knew (like the names listed above and below). 

Even if people can't quite name what is different about me, they have always seen (and still see) me as "eccentric," "rude," "scattered," "spacy," or "strange."

I can hold myself together (hiding my NeuroDivergent traits for short periods). However, moments of stress, distraction, or excitement give me away. 

The way I move, the way I talk, my confusion, and my discomfort can be impossible to camouflage sometimes. 

I have realized that, even when I thought I was blending in in the past, I was likely still standing out. 

Passing as non-autistic is an impossible goal for me because even though I do not look like the stereotype that most people imagine when they think of an Autistic Person (a younger boy with multiple complex disabilities in addition to being Autistic), I still don't pass as "typical" (and never have). 

Since learning the truth about my brain, NeuroDivergent People who knew me before I "knew myself" have told me they knew I was NeuroDivergent before I did. Part of me wishes someone would have told me, but I'm unsure if I would have been receptive to the information back then. 

My Autistic ADHD traits were likely never truly "invisible" - just invisible to ME (or misnamed). 

This has been an excerpt from a longer Substack post.

The full post is available on Patreon, Substack, and Facebook (in the top secret subscriber FB group).

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To receive new posts (like this one) delivered directly to your inbox 2-3 times each week (and support my work), please consider becoming a subscriber. 

I'm creating a new community on Substack, and I hope you'll join me as a free member (but I also have paid subscriptions that are only $5/month – less if you subscribe annually if you want access to bonus content).

FREE subscribers on Substack get content, too! Everyone gets something (because I believe education should be accessible).

*Patreon members and Facebook Subscribers ALSO got access to THIS post.

In addition to Substack (because I STRONGLY believe educational resources should be affordable), I also offer discounted subscriptions on Patreon. On Patreon, I always offer a pay-what-you-can subscription (starting at $1 a month – less when you subscribe annually).

Both Substack and Patreon offer a free one-week trial on paid subscriptions. If it's not for you, you can cancel at any time with no obligation.

The NeuroDivergent Rebel Blog is a reader-supported publication. Without the help of my readers, free resources LIKE THIS ONE wouldn't be possible.

To receive new posts (like this one) and support my work, I ask that you please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber on Patreon, Facebook, or Substack.

Lyric Rivera, holding up a purple book with a pink brain on the cover (Workplace NeuroDiversity Rising) smiling from behind it.
Lyric Rivera, holding up a purple book with a pink brain on the cover (Workplace NeuroDiversity Rising) smiling from behind it.

If you're low on funds, you can also help support my work by sharing this post. That's the kind of help you can't put a price on.

It would mean a lot to me,

– Lyric

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