I had an "interesting" conversation with someone a week or so ago. I've known this person for a while and have found them to be difficult to help. I have even described them as virtually uncoachable.
But I've kept trying and my effort led us to a conversation that explains why they are so difficult to help. This person is somewhere in their early 50's, at least that's my best guess. In talking with them they explained what they called their "learning philosophy." They said that "all you need to know to be a success you have learned by the time you're 40." If you haven't learned it by then, you're pretty much out of luck because no one learns anything after 40.
He shared with me that he was one of the fortunate few who had indeed learned all he needed to know by his 40th birthday. I almost felt blessed to be in his presence.
But for me, it was also a very "clarifying" conversation. It explained to me why he was such a challenge to coach. It also told me that he fit the classic definition of a know it all. When I suggested to him by the way that he sounded a bit like a know it all he became very defensive. He fully admitted he didn't know it all…he just knew all that he needed to know.
That was even more informative for me, it explained why he so aggressively dismissed all my suggestions on what he may want to learn, or do, to be more effective in his work. He didn't want his brain cluttered with all the worthless information that rolls around in mine.
But frankly, I see little difference between a know it all and someone who believes they already know everything they need to know. So from this point forward both the tone and substance of our conversations will change. I think I can navigate the situation more gracefully and maintain a positive relationship with this person. Ya never know, maybe I can increase my influence with them enough to even help them grow. Here's how I'm going to move forward. I think you can work with similar individuals in the same manner.
• Acknowledge their knowledge. Recognize their expertise and knowledge in certain areas. This can help in building rapport and showing respect, which might mitigate their need to constantly prove themselves.
• Stay calm and composed. Know-it-alls can be frustrating, but it's important to remain calm and composed when interacting with them. Getting defensive or confrontational will likely escalate the situation. I've discovered calling them an idiot, as tempting as that may be, doesn't really help either.
• Listen actively. Even if you feel like you're being bombarded with unnecessary information, try to listen actively. Sometimes, know-it-alls just want to be heard. Acknowledge their points before offering your own perspective.
• Choose your battles. Not every interaction with a know-it-all needs to turn into a debate. Pick your battles wisely and decide when it's worth challenging their knowledge or when it's better to let it go.
• Offer constructive feedback. If their behavior is negatively impacting the team or project, offer constructive feedback in a respectful manner. Focus on the impact of their behavior rather than attacking their personality.
• Redirect the conversation. If the know-it-all tends to dominate discussions, find subtle ways to redirect the conversation or involve others. Encourage different perspectives and contributions from everyone involved.
• Set boundaries. If the know-it-all's behavior becomes too disruptive, it may be necessary to set boundaries. Politely let them know when their behavior is inappropriate or when you need space to express your own ideas.
• Lead by example. Show humility and openness in your own interactions. Lead by example by admitting when you don't know something and being receptive to learning from others.
• Focus on the task at hand. In group settings, keep the focus on the task or project rather than on individual egos. Remind everyone of the common goal and the importance of collaboration.
The biggest challenge when dealing with a know it all, or their close cousin, "I know all I need to know" is that they have no way of knowing that they do have a lot to learn. That is very frustrating for the people who have to deal with them.
Remember, your interactions with these individuals requires patience, empathy, and tact. By approaching the situation with understanding and professionalism, you can navigate these interactions more smoothly while maintaining a positive working relationship.
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