At some point in your life, you need to realize who you are and be proud of that. You need to see yourself the way some people see you. Maybe even let go of how you were treated in the past and learn from it.
Don't hold on to it for too long because it will eat you up inside and make you see yourself in a way that isn't beneficial for your growth.
I've always seen myself as the 'Cinderella' in the group, the mother if you may. The one who takes care of everyone and who is always there for everyone. She doesn't ask for a lot, hell if she asks for anything at all. But that can make someone very tired. It can make you a doormat. I wasn't happy, I was sad and just going through the motions. I wasn't confident and had hardly any self-esteem. That is how I was. That was what everyone expected of me.
It wasn't until recently (within the past 8-10 years) where I knew things had to change. I knew I had to make some changes and learn how to see myself differently. Look within and see who I truly am and that would shine through to the outside. So many people tell me I have so much confidence. I always laugh and say yea right. Me confident, you have to be kidding.
But really looking at myself and thinking okay maybe I am pretty. I have really nice eyes, nice smile (lips), some parts are better than others. But it's the inside I think I enjoy the most. I have a good personality. I make people laugh, I talk to everyone, I care, I'm funny. I smile a lot! I enjoy seeing people smile. I know those things aren't usually what people see, they look at the looks first, outside. If they don't like the outside, then they don't take the time to get to know the inside.
I'm a different kind of person. Yes, I do think you have to be somewhat attractive to the other person, but they could be beautiful or hot on the outside but have a nasty ugly inside. Would you still be with them? I wouldn't, I would rather have someone who is amazing on the inside and not so great on the outside.
I go by vibe and chemistry. I don't go on looks fully. All of this had me thinking, I feel sorry for the guys who never gave me a chance. Who looked past me because of my looks (body type), who never wanted me. Because I'm an amazing person. I'm someone worth getting to know and worth dating. I am someone who deserves someone great. I feel as though some people would regret it, not giving me a chance, or getting up hopes up to just squash them just because they are a coward and only care about the outside and what their 'buddies' would think of them dating a plus size curvy chick.
No one can tell anyone what to do. They must decide on their own time and in their own way. I think everyone deserves a chance. I think I deserve a chance to share my life with someone who is looking for the same thing. Who gets me the way no one else, who sees me like no one else sees me. Who enjoys my dorkiness and my unpredictability of interests I have.
Maybe I'll find it one day (again) or maybe I won't. But all I know is I'm going to enjoy my life. I'm not waiting for anyone to see my value. I'm not waiting for anyone to see me as more than just a friend, who sees me as a girlfriend, who wants to be in a relationship. I thought I found it, but I wasn't good enough for him. And that's okay, he will have to deal with that regret. Because I know I'm good enough.
Just remember think of yourself as the prize. Learn to love yourself even the bad parts, because you have so many good parts to love. I'm still a work in progress but I'm enjoying the journey.
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