God knows us intimately and we have within us the need to know others intimately, too.
It's really something sacred, to be allowed into someone's inner world.
It requires vulnerability for both of you.
Very often, we have high expectations of those we love.
Of course, it's understandable to have some expectations of how they will treat us and how they operate in their day to day living as it affects us.
If you've ever been bullied as a child, you learn pretty quickly the type of behavior you don't want to have around you.
And that is a healthy self-protection mechanism of our brain.
But what are we to do with our thoughts when our brain tries to tell us that we can only experience peace if those we love are acting a certain way?
We want to be able to be our true self around those we love, and we need to allow others to be their true self, too.
Wouldn't we rather have an authentic relationship with the REAL version of our loved one, than with a version of them who people-pleases you in order to stay in good standing with you?
It's healthy to ask ourselves, "Can my spouse and children be who they are today?" "Can I love and accept this version of them as I hope they, too, can love and accept the REAL me?"
One of the most profound things I learned from my own coach is the truth that expectations are just pre-meditated resentments! Because we all are human and will let each other down sometimes. But we have to feel the yuck of resentment inside of us when we have negative thoughts about others.
We want to have a relationship with the REAL person and not some version of them that only exists in our mind, right? We don't want to miss out on who they really are! That's the God kind of love!
Truly loving another person requires us to let go of controlling them. Or really "trying to control" them, because the only person we can truly control is ourselves. God cannot control us, nor does He want to. And we cannot control others either, so we are only frustrating ourselves and them by trying.
Wanting to control always stems from FEAR. Because there is only ever two modes of operation, either FEAR or LOVE and God does not operate from FEAR ever. He IS love.
I believe the people God has placed in our lives, from our parents, siblings, spouses, children, relatives, co-workers, and friends are the CURRICULUM for our life!
Because how we react and respond to those around us says more about US than THEM. They are the impetus to us learning and growing and becoming more Christ-like.
When we feel the temptation to try to control someone we love, we should always ask, "What am I afraid of?"
We cannot process through the feeling our brain is creating for us and then take it to God's Word for examination if we don't acknowledge what the fear is.
Are we fearful that our children will not grow up to be good people and we'll be blamed or that we won't have a peaceful, successful marriage?
Don't let your brain or the enemy rob you of experiencing someone's full wonderful self; their beautifully complex, messy and complicated self. None of us are perfect.
This topic always brings to mind that quote, "We're all just walking each other home." Our time on earth is fleeting. One lifetime flies by like blink. When we embrace people's quirks and imperfections is when we truly appreciate them and ourselves for who we really are. ~Be Blessed, Jenny xoxo
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