When the clock strikes 12 in the night, we all usher into a new phase every 365 days and exactly then I have a feeling as if I am opening a new door while I am crossing the door, I tend to look back, and then after a pause, I walk forward. I do not know if this is the case with others but I have this visualisation every single year. And this year was no different.
So as I was crossing this year too, a lot of thoughts came flooding in as I looked back. The year 2023 was a year that was quite difficult for me to put into words. It felt as if it was the fastest year had come and gone by like lightning but it did in a lot of events with it as well.
This year I was diagnosed with some health issues and was advised to go for a minor operation that is due in a few months. Even my family struggled with minor ailments and as a caregiver, it was challenging in many aspects. But the silver lining was that the medications worked in our favor and slowly but steadily I with my family was able to overcome one health hazard after another. I also had a terrible accident a few days back at my workplace and I injured my face with a lot of bruises on it. The pain was unbearable yet with God's grace I was able to heal my wounds with care and affection from my loved ones.
This year, I was the least creative and writing took a back seat. I regret that I have a manuscript ready in my hand and yet could not give it proper shape in the form of editing it, giving it the form of a book, and sending it for publishing! I too could not complete the assignments that I had taken up for my blogging journey and somehow felt a lot disconnected from the community due to my lack of writing and putting my thoughts on paper. There were a lot of distractions and I struggled with focusing and channeling my energy into creation.
Somehow, this year I felt the loneliest and I struggled with dealing with my anxiety issues. When I look back I realize even Covid and the lockdown days were much easier and did not feel this way for me. So, yes even while executing essential duties, I could not turn my lonely days into solitude and hence that hampered my productivity too.
Having mentioned all these challenges I also pat my back to have been able to feature in two anthologies i.e. the Blog Chatter Anthology of Thrillers published by Readomania and the Soulcraft Anthology of poems. These moments felt nothing less than a miracle and did boost my morale to a high extent and I reassured myself to not lose faith in my capabilities.
On the professional front, I successfully completed my official training program which was a month-long exercise and then there was a grueling written and Viva exam for my Departmental Promotion process. It was tough but I was glad to see my name on the Selected list when the results were declared and hence 2023 did give me a beautiful gift while it was departing.
The year 2024 will be a year when I have decided to put myself before any other thing else . I have vowed to be kinder to myself and choose peace over any other thing to focus on healing. It will be a big challenge because self-love comes with a lot of difficulty for me. But this year I have a lot of promises to fulfill and hence, I have decided to prioritize my goals and aspirations over anything else, be active in the writing space, and send out entries to journals. I also plan to create a planner to keep my reading on track. Above all, getting fitter and getting back in shape will be my focus this year and I shall try my level best to stay grounded and connect to my true self. I wish and pray that the universe helps and guides me on the right path.
There is a lot more to say and there is so much more I can write about the emotions that I battle daily. But I will just say that I think it is important to realize that there are phases when a little task of waking up from bed and showing up for the day can seem overwhelming. And there are silent battles that one faces every single day. So, I give a shout-out to all those who chose to show up despite such struggling times and I thank everyone, who has been kind to me and tried to understand my inner conflicts and continued to hold my hand. I just want to conclude by saying that we are brave in winning the silent battles that we do not talk about and at the end of the day I wish we all find the divine light at the end of the dark tunnel.
Here's wishing you all a very happy, healthy, and Prosperous New Year filled with lots of love, laughter, success, and blessings.
Love,
Chinmayee
This post is part of "The Year & You Blog Hop" hosted by Swarnali Nath.
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