Dear Off-Label Cold and Flu Medicine,
Even under the worst of circumstances I'm really glad we could catch up over the holidays. I know we've missed each other these past couple of years, but I still think of you the first day it snows.
I want you to know it's not like I don't love you or anything. It's just that we can't hang out every year. I've been in a really good place recently. I don't always want to think about those nauseating nights.
It's not that you bring me down. Really, you don't. If anything, I have more of a blast with you than I do with the eggnog. It's the people you associate with that stink.
Yes, I remember when we rewatched all the X-Files on VHS and yes, you've always supported my need for comfort. I just don't understand why you only want to hang out with damaged people.
It's not cute anymore. You're not a saint just because you like to help others. And these people you like to see? They use you. I used to think you didn't know, but the fact you do makes me sick.
It's a cycle, you see. It's something hard to break. Anyway, a couple years ago when I decided not to come around, It wasn't personal.
For better or worse, I'm glad we made it home.
Sincerely,
Butthead
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