I Would Walk A Thousand Miles For A Dream.. You drove a few for a girl… 6/9/23

chinadolli

Dec 19

I wasn't going to write about it all...
I wasn't gonna put my feelings here
But this is the worst day of my life
And the only thing I know to do is write

This feels like rejection
Sometimes they say rejection is
Protection
But why does it hurt this way?
To be ignored by you
A whole day after...
Maybe I wasn't pretty enough
Not a good enough conversationalist
Maybe I was too tall
Too big
To quiet
maybe my friend was too weird
Maybe the vibe was just not right...

Why do you make me feel 16 again?

Oh how like,
The guy in front of me farted like 8 times
And I thought I'd nearly die
Being suffocated alive
Maybe you thought it was me the entire time
Maybe it was cause I got a ride
Didn't get dinner after 9
Maybe it was cause I have too much pride
To accept too much...
Maybe I was too nervous
My mind was occupied by my dad that night... It was a lot to take in
Maybe you thought what I wrote about someone else was for you...
Maybe I'm not good enough
Not bad enough
Maybe...
Maybe...

I keep wondering why...
Why was I not good enough
Guess the connection wasn't there
I wouldn't know
Been feeling numb lately...
You can't love online
There is no way, I decided.

I liked you more in person
You did most things right..
Maybe you were worried about height...
You treat me cold like I did you wrong...
Like I did you wrong...
You acted like you didn't care about me in the end...
Is it unfair to assume?
You seemed like you got someone else on your mind like an ex
The blonde girl to your right, did she remind you of her?
You needed to look 3 times

Or how you said pen pals, not even friends... I couldn't pretend to smile..
I said alright....
This is going to be a long
Night...

But it was alright
I thought it went fine...
I liked you up to the goodbye
Then I couldn't sleep at night
Thinking you were gonna ghost me
Act like you didn't know me...
Maybe you realized
You didn't like me at all.
I'm sorry
I don't like me either
And maybe that was the problem

Did you tell all your guys
I was ugly
Taller than 5'5
That I wasn't bright
Too shy
Friend was a freak
Awkward silence...
Did you tell all your guys?
All your guys?
That I wasn't as good in person
That I was a snake
Is that what you're trying to imply?
I don't know why...
Just overthinking
Just assuming
Just feeling the glooming

I'll pretend this never happened
If it makes me feel better.
Maybe it will make me feel better...
And I won't act like it doesn't hurt my pride
I'll cry
Cause rejection doesn't feel right
Even if I know
You're not the one
Right?
I'm not the one?
It's alright
Just go...
Just go...
Everyone leaves me anyways
So I'll go first...

So it doesn't hurt me when you ghost me...

Oh...
I'll go first..

Cause I wasn't what you wanted
And maybe... You weren't meant to be after all
Cause you wouldn't have followed half a dozen hot girls after seeing me...
That deserves a middle finger
Not a word to speak
Just fingers

Ah...
But don't think this is why it's the worst day of my life
It's just icing the cake...

So I guess all there is left to say
Thanks for the firsts
The new memories
Thanks for the words
The attention
And thanks for the burn
That so fucking hurts...
Maybe it's what I deserve...

Guess I just bring the worst out of people sometimes...
Guess...
Guess I'm not good enough...
And I'm cursed
Maybe I really am cursed.
I'm playing victim card

But it feels right
Cause I'm so sad right now.
Cause this is literally the worst day of my life.

So... I guess.. Maybe this is goodbye
I hope you find the girl that you're looking for... I hope she can brighten your dark days
Lift up your eyes
And give you the confidence
You lost somewhere along the lines...
You won't have to go a thousand miles
Just look inside yourself...
You'll attract the one when you're fully healed in yourself...
You won't have to go a thousands miles
Trust me, I know this kind of thing

I'll be fine...
But even if it hurts...
I'll unfollow
So you can go on with your life...
You got a long one ahead of you
Do it right...

And you can forget me...
It's alright....
Just find a way to be happy.

I'll go a thousand miles away just to live out my dreams.
I'll go a thousand of miles to find the one for me...

Cause if you were for me... You would've done things differently...
Right?

Good night...

take care my friend... Goodbye.

| cause you didn't read it the first time. Maybe if you did, it would've been different.

I don't hate you for finding someone new, someone prettier, better, funnier, more conversational. I hate you for holding on to me at the same time, when your reasons for doing so were selfish. You didn't give a fuck about me until I was gone, until it was me who went days without saying a thing.. You only cared when I wasn't there...

She's / they aren't a home wrecker, I would've left anyway... I wanted to walk away for months... Cause you just kept pushing and pulling, I couldn't take it anymore. You fell in love with the memories... Cause I took your mind off your situation. I fell in love with you... Knowing everything I did... Even before you said a thing. I already knew... That just made me your fool... I'm glad I had time away...

I have all these things recorded in writing, and it suddenly snaps me back into reality of how I actually felt.. You aren't the bad guy.... You just got your shit to deal with... Deal with it without drowning others and pushing them away. Don't make it seem like you were the only one with a broken heart, you broke mine a little more the longer I stuck around... Just forget it all. It's ok.. Just

Deal with your shit... )