This Christmas I have been thinking a lot about Mary.
Perhaps the pull of motherhood has been on my heart since my husband and I are trying to start a family, but this year, I have been seeing everything through the eyes of Mary: a young girl, at the tender age of around 14 years old, and the incredible courage she had.
And Mary's entire story -- her existence, her beauty, her life -- can be summed up in one little word: Fiat.
It is the Latin word for "Let it be done" which was her response to the angel Gabriel when he told her she would conceive a son and name him Jesus.
Her response is just so awe inspiring. First of all: her bravery, being visited in the middle of the night by a heavenly body! I mean, I sleep with the lights if I'm ever alone, and here she was, just welcoming an angel without fear.
And THEN, to just unquestioningly say Fiat to Gabriel's command. She didn't know what it would mean to bear a son miraculous. She knew the scandal it would bring to her, Joseph and their families. She didn't know what the road ahead looked like, but she trusted in God's will to say, Fiat, Let it be done according to His will.
Her unwavering trust and faith in God has really challenged me to look at my own life, and the areas in which I need to trust God and surrender to His will.
As I mentioned, Steven and I are trying to start a family, and with that comes a lot of fear and uncertainty. Especially given my history of severe anorexia, my fertility is not guaranteed. Remember, I didn't start menstruating until I was 29. Twenty nine. My body had been in such a dire state of starvation and malnutrition for so long that it took a long time for the "gears" to start moving again.
So I've had to just surrender that to God, and trust that if it is His will for us to have children, then fiat. And if we are to be parents in other ways, then fiat. Let it be done according to His will.
One thing that I have learned through the many trials and various seasons of adversity in my life is that God's timing is perfect. His plan for my life is good. He wants good things for his children, and I can trust that He will never abandon me, nor give me something that I cannot handle.
All this to say, is that Mary is such a beautiful, pure example of handing one's life over to God, for Him to take and shape and bless. And that is what I want to carry with me into this coming year, and for the years to come.
And I invite you to do the same.
This Christmas, as we're hustling and bustling around getting the gifts wrapped, Christmas cards sent, meals cooked, cookies baked, and houses ready for guests, let's just remember that fourteen year old girl, carrying Jesus in her womb, getting turned away from inn after inn in the pitch black of night, and the trust and courage she had to keep her eyes on God, and her commitment of surrender to His will.
May we all give God our Fiat, and radically trust in whatever His will may be.
Merry Christmas, friends. I love you all so much, and will keep you in my prayers as we celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ!
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