What is it, who does it, and are you required to do this?
The bottom is the person who has something put in them. The bottom is when someone has put in them.
But it is much more complex. It is possible to be a top even if you don't put anything into anyone. Someone can be a bottom without a dick. A woman can be either a top (or bottom) or both.
You can also use it in a literal sense. It can also mean who is "on top" in a position of sexuality.
Which is the best sexual position for you?
You can also talk about the dynamics of who decides what happens and takes the initiative. Someone active will be at the top, and someone more passive will be at the bottom.
Control can be a factor. It could be that the top person has control over what type of sex the other person is having, how it's done, or even the whole relationship. It can be done with or without consent. This can be done with or without consent and is just abuse.
Learn more about and how to do it in a safe, consensual way.
Do you require a top and bottom?
This is just an explanation. You don't need to do it. Many people are not into this.
Many people find that sex is more about sharing and doing different things together than having one person be 'the top.' Some people are neutral or do both, but others prefer to top or bottom. Some people describe themselves as 'versatile' or "switches". It's also fine if this changes over time.
Many people don't think about the dynamics of sex, but rather the types of sexual activities that they enjoy. They also try to figure out when, how and what they like.
If you don't want to be a top or a bottom, that's fine. But if it's something you are interested in, please continue reading.
What is the top and bottom?
I am often asked how people determine who is at the top and bottom. It depends. The top-bottom thing has a lot to do with power, and how the relationship is governed by power dynamics.
As I said in, this post about Power, there are often differences in power and one person usually has more than the other.
This power comes from their identity: things like how old they are, their class, their abilities/disabilities, their race, their sexuality, and their gender. It's common to assume that in a straight relationship, the man is the leader and the woman the follower. With two women, the woman with more experience could be at the top.
This is all based on assumptions and stereotypes you may not agree with.
People sometimes decide the order of people by their personalities. People who are quiet, kind, caring and compassionate are often seen as the bottom. People who are loud, active, opinionated and outgoing are often seen as 'the masculine'.
You can see that a lot is based on assumptions and stereotypes with which you may not agree. It's not my opinion, I am just explaining. Please don't be angry with me.
Who should be at the top and bottom?
People often use stories to determine who "should" be at the top of the list and who "should" be at the bottom. The man. The most masculine person. Whoever has a penis. Which person is dominant? The most confident. The oldest. The one with the most experience "should" be at the top, or the one who will "top" the list. The woman. The woman. Whoever doesn't possess a penis. Whoever is less confident. The younger person. The person with less experience will or should be at the bottom.
This is based upon a heterosexual view of the world, which we call heteronormativity. Many gay and lesbian partners may do the same things, which we call homonormativity.
This works for some people. Many people find it easier to follow the script because they do not have to discuss it. People are often perfectly happy to do what's expected of them, even when they know that stereotypes are at play. This can allow them to have the kind of sex they like and can be exciting and spontaneous.
Not everyone who "should be at the top" will want it or enjoy it. Not everyone who should be at the bottom will want to, or enjoy it. Men may not enjoy being in charge, but it is what is expected of them. If people do not check that they are happy with the sex, then it could be non-consensual. Even if it was consensual, the sex may still be bad because neither party is doing what they find attractive.
"For the initial weeks of our relationship, I was leading him. It was fine - it was the first time he had done it and he didn't know what to expect so I led. After we discussed it, I realized that bottoming and penetration didn't work for him. We started doing other things like wanking and stroking which we both enjoy and it's easier to just take turns and swap around a lot ."
People often assume that a person will be penetrating the other person when they talk about top and below with sex, even if it's not something that person likes.
Who is at the top and who is at the bottom?
Some people are interested in who is at the top and bottom of a particular activity or if this matters to them. As I said before, topping and bottoming could be a specific activity.
Before we started sex, we exchanged a few texts about what we like to do and how. I told him that I love f ******g, but I prefer to be on the top so that I can control just how deep and fast it goes. He liked the ."
It can also be about the entire sexual experience.
It's exciting to me when the other person takes charge. One time, the other person asked me if I was okay at the start. I was lying on the floor and she was worried I wasn't interested. We quickly chatted to discuss how it was hot for me when the other person took control. I told her that I would be very clear if something was not for me and that she could tell if it was something I enjoyed.
It can also be about the dynamics of the relationship.
In my relationships, I like to make the majority of decisions - about where we go, how we spend our time, and what we do at home. This can be a challenge because I need to always be aware of what my partner needs. Even though my partner has consented to it and is really into it I must remember that it might be harder for them to let me know if something goes wrong. To make sure that they are okay with the situation, I have to constantly check in on them. It's strange because I make all the decisions, but I still feel that they are in charge - which is what should happen. It's called top from the bottom ."
How to Top and Bottom Consensually
It's great if you can talk about the order of who is at the top and bottom. Even if you have consented, it is important to continue to pay attention.
It's important to pay attention to everything that happens, even if you have talked about the topic before. As I explained in the post, it is important to pay attention to all the different ways people communicate during the entire experience. You can look for things like facial expressions, eye contact, noises, phrases or words (OMG, umm, ugh, etc), or the way their body reacts to something.
If you're the "top", it's important to think about ongoing consent. If you are the 'top', it is important to think about ongoing consent.
If you're the boss or in a position of power, it is your responsibility to ensure that this happens. This includes paying attention, but also checking in periodically to see how they're feeling.
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