There are things we all do that are a waste of time. Scrolling endlessly. Watching too much TV. Not getting round to signing up for classes, or committing to things which would enhance my life. Those are fairly common to us all, and are shared regrets we are conscious of.
But there are other regrets that are more insidious. Things that wasted a lot more energy. Regrets that have more to do with my mind. Here are 3 of them:
1. Continuing to work on doomed relationships, and worrying too much about what other people think.
Maybe I am more of a people-pleaser than I would like to admit. When someone is rude, gives me a hard time, or sends the message that I've failed in some way, I've generally bent over backwards to make that person happy again.
But the truth is, some people are always going to find fault. Some people are never going to be happy. And some people are just not good for you.
It's taken me a long time to learn this lesson, and to stop wasting time on those kinds of people.
2. Being self-critical and thinking too much about how I've failed, and what is wrong with me.
This rarely leads to increased self-esteem. More commonly, it undermines my self-confidence and stops me noticing the things I do well. My guess is, it's something you've been guilty of as well.
It takes a long time for us to really get that life is one big challenge after another. A lot of the time, we are unprepared for the situations we are forced to manage. They are new to us, and we haven't been given a guide book - in advance - on how to deal successfully with them. So, we're doing our best to learn as we go, and often we're doing that while under stress.
Also, we have very little say over how we look, our physical appearance and attributes. Yet we readily berate all different aspects of ourselves, instead of noticing the more important things – like our warmth, our understanding, our generosity, our thoughtfulness, our kindness, or sense of humour!
3. Worrying about things that don't matter in the long-run.
Sometimes it feels as if everything matters. But, 5 or 10 years from now there are few that will matter.
It won't matter that I didn't have the fanciest house or car. It won't matter if I can't produce beautiful painting, play an instrument well, speak 3 languages, or have visited a catalogue of different countries. It won't matter if I always come last in quizzes, or if occasionally say the wrong thing, or forget some details I was meant to remember.
What will matter is the kind of wife, mother, friend, and citizen I've been. If people remember me as being someone it was good to be around. As someone who encouraged them, built them up, and made them feel good about themselves.
These are 3 regrets that I've taken to heart, and I don't want to waste any more time on them. I want to really live, and to enjoy my life. For time is a limited and precious gift.
"All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given us." – J.R.R. Tolkien
No comments:
Post a Comment