By Raianna Shai
Her: "I'm here"
Him: "I'm on my way"
These are the words my inner masculine and feminine said to each other in a SoulFullHeart sacred union group call. In meditation, we journeyed to a ball where our feminine and masculine parts met to dance with each other and feel out their relationship. So much was illuminated for me in this simple visualization about the ways in which my own inner relationships have been projected onto my outer ones.
At first, both of these parts were quite young feeling. Like a prince and princess coming together in excitement and play. This felt very sweet but I also realized that those energies are what I feel most comfortable expressing in relationships. I can be young, playful and joyful but I struggle to go into the deeper tones of woman, lover, and passionate soul.
As they came towards each other on the dance floor they became older and more mature. A veil started to fade and all of their fears and strategies started to show more clearly. My masculine, Matthew, began to feel a flood of inadequacy and unworthiness to be able to show up for my feminine, Iris. Her tendency is to caretake him and try to overcompensate for the inadequacy that he was feeling inside. She felt the guidance to not respond this way and to wait for something different to arise in her.
Later in the meditation, they connected with Yeshua and Mary Magdalene as feminine and masculine templates that we are all capable of holding inside of ourselves. Magdalene invited Iris to just be in the room with Matthew and invite him into something new, but also to let go and allow him to find it within himself. Yeshua placed his forehead on Matthew's to energize that they are really no different and that he is fully capable of all the compassion, openness and passion that he so admires in Yeshua.
Matthew felt so much release in that message and finally cried after many days of not being able to access much emotion. He crumbled to the floor as Iris just sat next to him, radiating love and support for this journey he will go on to find even deeper love for himself and from the divine. I feel a deep surrogacy coming for him from Yeshua, and even a merging in ways he never thought possible.
This is when they spoke -
Her: "I'm here"
Him: "I'm on my way"
I realized after this experience that so much of this dynamic was showing up in relationships on the outside. Whether my mate felt inadequacy or I felt it, that energy was always in the space. And if it was felt by my mate then I would instinctively go into caretaking, preventing them from finding it for themselves and essentially taking away their opportunity to find deep self love.
If I felt it, I couldn't quite go into it deeply and find the source of it while in the relationship. Now that I'm single, I've been able to go deeper into this wound so that whatever future explorations I have, I will feel so much more centered inside of myself and will know how to hold it with them, instead of for them. I would also draw less of this dynamic as it heals within my own heart and soul.
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Raianna Shai is a SoulFullHeart facilitant and community member of the SoulFullHeart Way of Life. Visit https://www.soulfullheart.org for more information about space holding sessions and free 45-min intro calls, group calls, videos, community, etc.
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