The most challenging thing is to put yourself first, especially if you are still in the clutches of unresolved childhood wounds. There are days when I feel invincible and nothing, including my self-doubting thoughts of "not enough" will stop me. I plow through with such confidence, I have to stand back and go "damn" I am fierce.
Then there are moments when I shrink with the idea of forging ahead and making my own life, just the way I want it without consideration for past, present, or future. Just be who I want to be with no apologies. This me, this fierce me, has been hanging around and waiting for the chance to prove I am enough. If to no one else but my wounded self.
Through the lens of healing, I get glimpses of this fierce self and she/they/them, not sure if there is a specific gender, is the bad Bi%ch that has all the answers. Knows the way and will stop at nothing to get to the other side.
This dual person is coming through as I contemplate whether or not to stop looking back. Stop torturing myself with what ifs, could have's, should have's, and the like. My life has unfolded the way that it has unfolded. No apologies, no regrets. All of everything has gone into creating this complex person who is finally at a place to let it all go and be a warrior. The irony is, I have always been a warrior. How else do I explain making it to the other side with life left enough to enjoy who I have become? The pull to the past and past mistakes is the thing that sucks the life from me and I have decided to let it go.
Who will I be? I know who I am. I have always known who I am, which is why it was important for me to survive my circumstances. Those circumstances that I sit in gratitude for because without them, I would have been something altogether different and I'm not sure I would have liked that person.
I have to admit, even with the occasional dive into the darkness, I am worth appreciating. I am worth knowing and damn sure worth loving.
What I hope for everyone who is currently struggling with self-doubt, unresolved childhood wounds, or any other thing that is getting in the way of their light, is PISS on it, take up the warrior pose, and forge ahead knowing, you got this. And you don't have to know what it is that you got. Just know that it is special only to you. If you need help, get that help. Never give up, never surrender. Be grateful for the struggle because now you know, no matter what "you're enough". And anybody who cant recognize your "enoughness", F*ck them and the horse they rode in on.
You can be alone or in a crowd, just feel the energy inside you and take your warrior ass to the next level. Not everybody is courageous enough to face their demons and live to tell the story.
Whatever you know about me or think you know, I am fucking fierce and my trauma, my pain has fashioned an unstoppable force. I am bound for healing and I dare you to try and stop me with your guilt trips your withdrawal or your judgments.
You Better Recognize!!!
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