2023 has been an interesting year. I have had a lot of growing up to do this year. In as much as there have been great things going on there have also been some bad.
As we get into the season of reflecting on the year we have had, I'd like to get a head start on it.
My time as Mutanu
The highlight of the year for me has been getting to work out of Nairobi. I got the chance to work in Makueni County for 5 months. It was honestly the biggest girl thing I had ever done. Moving out of home and living on my own in a foreign place, without anyone I knew. It was both scary and exciting. I found myself settling into it easier than I had imagined. The thing that really got to me about living there was the power outages, they were so frequent they almost made me mad. There's this one time when there was an outage for three days.
Anyway, living there was beautiful. I lived on the top floor, where I had this amazing view of the hills. Hills as far as my eyes could see. I got a wonderful view of the sunset; I'd watch it with a glass (cup) of wine and jazz music in the background. If you know me, you know that's the kind of life I'd die for. To be able to slow down at the end of the day, and take in the world.
I had such a wonderful time connecting with the community. Even got myself a new name; Mutanu meaning the joyful one. Apparently, I was constantly smiling and happy. And even as I look forward to what God has in store for me, I know I will always find my way back there.
Bookworm Mode
Another great highlight for the year is that I got back to reading books. I think I have read more books this year than I have since high school. Which is amazing in my books. And mostly fiction of course. I am having a hard time consuming the non-fiction side, mostly the self-help books. I am however, enjoying autobiographies and political books. I love the feeling of having a book in my hands and getting to feel like I am living in the book.
It feels great to be back on bookworm mode.
The Double-Edged Sword
The biggest lesson of the year has been to leave situations that no longer serve me even when I feel like I should be putting in more effort. Even when I feel like I am I should do more to get the other party to reciprocate. The truth is some people are always going to give you the bare minimum. You give 50% they give 10%.
This caused me a terrible amount of pain. I remember one night sitting up in bed one night, and praying to God to make it all stop. To kind of turn me into a villain with a cold heart who could not love anyone at all.
Anyway, the lesson has been learnt. Thrice. God has some messed up sense of humor. When you pray for peace, he gives you all the situations to exercise it. And finally, the lesson has been learnt. It felt both good and bad, but I am learning to see things as neither good or bad. I believe that everything that happens in my life has net positive effect. It all works out for my good.
I'm in the therapy chair.
Yes, I'm in therapy.
I will not share too much but I will say that I definitely recommend it.
The validation, the affirmation and peace that comes from getting to talk out your issues with a person who actually wants the best for you, is unmatched.
Healing is not Pretty
All the Instagram reels that sell you that healing is cute, lied. It is tears at 10 am because something triggered you. Its anger when you remember yourself accepting behavior you know you didn't deserve. It is dealing with trigger after trigger and the questioning your beliefs. Its journalling onto 10 pages before the feeling you couldn't shake off is finally dealt with.
Anyway, I am dealing with it well. Learning that not everyone needs to get involved with m journey unless its for support and validation.
To anyone on such a journey, my heart goes out to you. You'll do just fine.
Those are some of the highlights of 2023. I have tried to figure out what bad happened this year, and I can't. Nothing jumps at me. So, I guess and with joy, I can say that it's been a good year. And the rest of it, will be just as good.
Why don't you take some time to reflect on the year too. Wonder what you'll find. All good things, I hope.
Happy reflecting!!
Joanna.
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