The songs, that reminded her mother, of her troubled, pasts, how music can, heal…translated…
A while ago, I'd started listening to the oldies in Taiwanese with mom. Reason being, that my mother was stuck in bed due to her condition, she'd become, too, bored out of her bones, and, she could only, listen to the music, to kill the, time, to the end, the two of us, both became, too into the Public Television broadcasting of "Our Favorite Songs", the host had gone to interview the songwriters of these, oldies or the performers, and, it'd given us the background information on the songs we never knew from before, and, it'd, satisfied our needs for music, as well as, hearing some, gossips too. The oldies played, one right after another, and there were the familiar tunes, and the ones that we'd heard, for the very, first times, and, the interviews had, broken many of my, preconceived, notions, for instance, I'd thought, that some songs had been listened and played for many a years on end, and as I'd watched the programming, I'd found, that they were written and performed by those who are, still, living, who'd shared their experiences of how they came to write the songs, penned the, lyrics, and, although these oldies have some years to them, but, they're, NOT as old as I thought they were.
And yet, what's most shocking was, that my mother had, hummed along. That was the very first time, I'd bumped into my mother who sang. Her voice was, hoarse, and, she wasn't, really, familiar with the music, and the notes, aren't, flowing that smoothly.
My mother in my memories, had to, busy about, making ends meet, never had her own interests that she'd enjoyed. I'd, overlooked the fact, that she was, once younger, that maybe, she also, had the time in her life, where she'd, relied on the, songs to, pull her through.
To tell the truth, I don't have an inkling of a clue, of how my parents were, when they were, younger. They're, rarely talked of their, younger, days, to help me see how they once, were. From before, I could, care less, and in recent years, as my parents went in and out of the, hospitals more, I'd started, regretting, that I only had a limited knowledge of, who they, were! That I'd only begun, wanting to, know about them, as they fell, ill.
At the second half of the year last year, my mother had been, in and out of the, hospital. For a period of time, the two of us, were trapped in the same ward. My mother started, telling of the trials of life she'd weathered, as she'd, just married my father, and, the things that happened in her life from, before that, and, many of what I'd heard, was a first for me, and what shocked me, was that it didn't matter if it was her own family of origin, or my father's side, there were nothing but the tales of her sorrows that she'd, told, there wasn't, nothing sweet about it, and even after so many years, she'd still, cried as she'd, told what had happened to her, to me. Seeing how strong she'd acted, in telling the stories of her life from before, I couldn't help but feel curious: how deep, was the hurt she'd, endured back then? To give her such a strong impression, that sort of, an everlasting, pain. It was also, in that, very moment, I'd suddenly come to understand, WHY she'd, never, told of her, pasts. As all the awful and bad is already gone, why bring them all, back up again, to make herself feel sad?
the music that lifts, the, spirit...illustration from online
My mother's bad past suddenly, surfaced back up, should I, accompany her, to dig deeper, to get all the pains out, to "assist" her to find closure to her own, past?
I'd thought about it again, and again, I'd decided to, continue looking up those, Taiwanese oldies online, and the two of us still, listened to them, and, talked.
Let these, oldies become, a medium, maybe one day, my mother will, meet a song that speaks to her, and, as that song played on, she'll, share with me, what's happened to her, past. But what if, she didn't share? There are, two possible, reasons, first, she isn't ready to yet, another, she felt that nobody else, needs to know about how troubled her pasts, had been. Whichever one, it didn't matter to me, if she, doesn't, share.
And so, you'd found some music that helped soothed your mother's, heart, and that's, enough for you, you'd known that she had a hard past, and, the oldies became a sort of a threshold guardian, that gave you a peek into, your own mother's, past, and, if she shares what happened in her younger years with you, she shares, and if she didn't, then, at least, you'd, accompanied her, and tried to help her feel, better.
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